-Donnie Darko

I was talking to my friend, Kim, in the gym while showing her pictures of the Atlanta Dragon Con convention. Just out of the blue, I told her that, to really romance a boy, a girl can get at his heart with freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, flowers, and blowjobs. Not surprisingly, Kim's eyebrow arched up and soon started laughing since she loves to give blowjobs. It's the flowers part that surprised her.

Now, why am I talking flowers instead of my usual droning on and on over the subject of sex even if we all love to discuss all things oral? On the dinner table was a set of flowers, namely right where I eat. When Sara told me there was a "surprise" for me that was an aditional gift for my already gone birthday, I did not expect this. Flowers for a boy!?!

It was here that my mind started racing as it all went back to the card game Sara, Chris, Carrie, and the house's owners played that Saturday night. I just casually mentioned that I've never received flowers before in which Chris motions towards Sara while mouthing "Ya mean Sara never sends you any?" Plus, I even go back to the power of flowers seeing as I remember a certain girl being pursued by a boy that left a rose on her car. Even the workaholic chick dancing to Linkin Park gets a kick out of the petal variety.

So I can now say that I have received flowers as I am wooed by a girl that lives about an hour and ninteen minutes away. All boys should be jealous. Since I cannot eat chocolate chip cookies, I get a lot of blowjobs.

My mom has gotten a kick out of the flowers seeing as she was smiling big time upon entry into the house. She loves stuff like that but got an even bigger kick out of them going to me. Me being very private on the subject of Sara probably has her wondering if I am "tagged and bagged."

Since this is Thursday, it's a generally quiet day. Cold but not too cold. Does anyone else find this unusual? Again, I took my dog for a walk while having to wear a long sleeved shirt. Pretty soon, Buffy will have to wear her sweater. Yes, our dogs own clothes and it's ridiculous as fuck.

You know when the local college is in session when I find the girls looking me over while I work out. Slut Watcher is so jealous that he's now resorting to doing anything he can to distract my workout, even so far as tapping me over a pretty girl's latest entrance. Somebody, please bake this man some chocolate chip cookies and blow him! I'm sure he's tired of jerking off with motor oil thanks to his Nascar obsession.

My little highlight of the day was a page devoted to my town's beloved 2 porn stores. A journalist that has amused me about little oddities here and there that I may or may not know about visited them. I totally understood her fear where you wonder if there are going to be pervs staring at you while trying to take in the sight of more legs uncrossed than the latest sorority invitational.

C'mon, you remember your first trip in a porn store! I can't be the only one that found it completely unlike I ever thought it would be. Movie scenes where a character goes into one is nothing like what I've been in. You've got your videos/dvds in one area all sorted by star or type (think bondage versus golden showers) and toys in another. Movies only show the freaky side where it's 4am and someone aint wearing anything but assless chaps.

You've got to admit that getting into a conversation with a complete stranger over whether you can suck a fuck while a large plastic dildo flops around due to the store's constant shaking of people walking in and out would be a hoot.

Man: "So, you like smelling a girl's dirty laundry, too? I'm so glad I met you, Gary!"

But who can possibly be offended? You've got areas where large cocks are in full view just as much as women with legs completely spread open. Pictures of jizz and women peeing are all open for a good time debating as to what's in store for a hella good time. You only came in for some lube? What the fuck!?! Shop like you know it by stocking up your drawers with edible panties and butt plugs. You'll get noticed, baby.

To put it in a nutshell: I was 18 and my best friend from high school told me that what a man needs to do is visit the porno place once he reaches that age. Little did I know that this would become one of the Top 10 Moments of my life.

- - 2009-07-07

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