What I've got is my always disappearing resume. Same shit. Different year. Resume is always gone and then I have to redo it in some form. I don't know why but it just so happens every time I need it. As much as it is nice to have printed it, I don't see why this computer always wants to make me wonder if I have anything I saved on it.

Me: "Dude, print up my factual sheet on the circumfrences on all 'Playboy' Playmates' breasts!"

Computer: "Nuh uh! No titties for you!"

Remember that application I have to fill out to get my job back? As I said, it's online so it can't be that bad, right? 20 pages and I am finally done only to realize my resume has disappeared. After 20 pages of sitting here giving out all I can on me, little ol' me, my computer pulls this shit! Some days, I just suck and then some.

Oh, and another thing. It doesn't help that I took a look at an old flick called The Demon Seed, based on a 1972 Dean Koontz book of the same name. You think you've heard it all when a computer goes haywire but how about if it decides to impregnate your ex-wife?

Sounds kind of silly. Man builds super computer only to have to shut it down while it hunts for a nother terminal. That terminal just so happens to be in the house his ex-wife recides. Of course, we get those sweet images of her coming out of the shower (all computers are pervs just as yours can attest to, buddy) and rolling around in bed nude. It's no wonder it wants to get it on. Probably has Marvin Gaye in the audio files that is pumped out in 5.1 Dolby Digital.

The whole surprise is that the child created, incubated at a majorly fast rate, was exactly the same as the kid the couple lost to leukemia. Good ending! The computer took all the data from the mother in regards to blood, cells, etc. along with her past child's death info. It wanted to create life, even if it knew the scientists would shut it down.

If you want to know where the computer got the sperm, it was from killing a guy that came in on suspicions over the house's security. It almost made me feel like I'm no longer needed to create life if mah boys can just be whipped up by a machine.

Today, I just fucking hate computers.

The only good thing to say is that I walked off steam by getting Buffy's leash. Got leash? Dog just appears out of nowhere since there is a whole world to sniff and so little time.

Buffy's getting better but it's funny how there is a certain point where she is worn out. Right before we get home, the girl is close to being bushed and needs a pep talk. So, I crouch down on the sidewalk, give my dog a good urging on that there are plenty of good opportunities to pee on neighbors' lawns, and away we go.

By the way, Buffy pees like a male dog so I have to stop at just about ever post, mailbox, and sign while she raises her leg. I'm not joking. The best part is when she kicks grass on the spot.

Long ago, I used to watch HBO's Real Sex shows. Quite informative even if my old intention was just to see naked women. Boobies? Plenty but I wanted to see some bush. Well, I got more than that since there were plenty of legs spread as well.

Editor: "Bonus!"

Last night's Real Sex had to do with a film festival where amateurs could show their stuff. At first, I was thinking no big deal and might just do other things while the TV plays. Many times, "amateurs" means some highly ugly people that need to find a treadmill and stay on it for a couple years.

I was right but the film festival had some heart that caused me to not look away. One segment had to do with how strawberries are the kinkiest fruit (Just trust me) only they don't know it. It just takes a lot of spankings and a doggy style session to bring it out of them. What's even better is that this amateur's film was a musical one could sing along while the sound of bare buttocks getting slapped carries you along.

My favorite was the short segment where 3 cookies do a porno. I know, I know. It sounds strange but there is a guy that sees porn in what he eats so he went with it. Cookies can have a threesome but the best part was the cum shot. Frosting gets everywhere! Good gravy, I can't even cum that much.

Obviously, there cannot be a porn festival without fetishes. One guy became traumatized by balloons so he had naked women pop.............them. If I were at the festival and was forced to spend 30 minutes watching chubby naked women pop balloons, my boredom meter would be sky high. To each his own.

I'm proud of HBO in doing these Real Sex episodes. Not only are they informative (Really, they are) but they cater to everyone. You'll get your fetish information (Balloons?), scenes of actual oral sex (Still very unheard of for cable), discussions on positions, girls with their legs spread (Yummy!), and cookies doing the nastiest stuff. I'm never going to look at Oreos the same way. There was obviously an interracial relationship at some time.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07