-Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Every day should start with holding a puppy as it licks you all over. Nice, huh? What's even better is when she turned her head to look at the butterflies flying around in the garden's flower portion. Even dogs know beauty. Well, I am pretty hot and deserve a lot of licks, no?

Oh, yeah, I did it. Sent in the application and will be called in to suffer the slavemaster's whip. In less than 2 weeks time, I will be under the rule of Doug, my former boss that just so happens to love me. That could be good and bad since he wants me there not just to help keep things alive but also to talk to. I'll never be able to leave when Doug goes into his discussion on how he had a subscription to 'Hustler' in college and spent quality time jacking off.

What can I say? I'm nervous because the hours are crazy. Each year, I have a moment where it gets to me and I come close to walking out of there. There are a lot of personalities to deal with even if Ugly's desperation to get Stinky to pop her cherry was, on occasion, fun to watch.

The first 2 weeks of work is fine. That's early morning sessions where we start at somewhere after 5am. I'm a morning person so it's installed in me after a few to get me started. This part has me with my most hated enemy ever, Crotch Rot. Don't ask for the full story but we hate each other. Actually, Crotch Rot hates everyone. I just laugh when she goes off on me over something stupid.

After those early mornings, it gets into the late nights. You're in bed but I'm out there and could be way up in the top of the store pulling things up. It's tiring and being near those lights makes a boy sweat up a storm. I burn so many calories that it almost takes me forever to get them back in. 12-inch sub? Gone! Give me another!

Another issue is not being able to see Sara so easily, if for any moments. October isn't a bad month but come November it's almost like she'll wonder just what the fuck is going on. I'll have to tell her that he's loopy, depressed, tired, hungry, horny, and has seen more drama than an hour of Flavor Of Love 2.

Editor: "What's really sad is that Hedgehoggy has no idea who won in football today but he knows that Buckeey got her ass booted for almost throwing Krazy off the balcony. He's gonna get into a discussion with the girls in his gym over this episode. Where'd his balls go?"

Sara and I have been through this before. We'll probably get through it again with another session of small drama. People I hate working with the most always seem to show up at some point. Crotch Rot, Clown, and ignorant boss decisions. Let's not forget the used tampons that girls seem to just toss into the parking lot. I'd like to shove 'em right back up their filthy queefs with a side of barbed wire.

Does the 'Net ever make you so goddamn horny? My balls were churning thanks to accidently coming across a supermodel's sex tape. Carolyn Murphy, I'm guessing, made one during a vacation or honeymoon. The woman was awesome! Not only does Carolyn have some sexy tats but she gets her man all crazy by dancing like a complete loon. It's later that the explicit sex comes up where she decides to rub her crotch on the guy's dick.

Fucking hell. I hate being horny. It kind of distracts me from various things I need to do. The only time being in let's-get-it-on-stage is when you've got your lover right there. I'll break it down for you. Sara is a little over an hour away. The words she said to me where it's a girlfriend's job to fuck her boyfriend kept ringing in my head.

Well,I get horny. There you go. I keep thinking of filthy sex where I want to watch her lick my cock all over. No pants pulling down but just unzip and pull the damn thing out. No fair in letting me just stand there playing with my thumbs. Bend over. Let me see what your boy, Hedgehoggy, is working with here. Panties soaked? Show 'em to me. Is that your most private scent in the air? It sure as hell aint no Plug-In.

Plug-Ins are nice, though.

Of course, there are days where you are so goddamn horny it's like you need to call the police to arrest yourself. Those fingers are going where no man has ever gone before after I've bent her over and licked that pussy.

Let's totally go off the subject by talking about something I've only lightly hinted at in the past. Along with my ability to hum the music to Debbie Gibson and hope the Spice Girls come back, it was my long ago dream to be a ninja. Laugh. Laugh all you want.

It's true. Back in 1985, a little known movie called American Ninja came out. Finally, we in the USA would be shown in a better light to other countries, not as drunk, fat, and stupid. Nope, we, too, can follow a much higher calling than Jaws 3 and thinking that Reaganomics can work.

I was just a little kid but American Ninja had a great impact on what little mind was forming at the time. I'd dress up in my own little ninja outfit and practice running around in a stealth like mode. Farting still gave me the giggles so that was my weakness. Fart and you could find me no matter how dark it was.

Back when I was a kid, martial arts were huge. Bruce Lee was still a legend and various movies had ninjas, people used when shadow movement was needed. Guns were too noisey so somebody had to get the classified information. Most likely a ninja wearing black.

The realy crazy part was that I had my own little band of ninjas working with me. Mikey, Chet, and I would use my back yard to practice whatever we could in hand to hand combat. Yes, you should laugh but we did our best. 10-year-olds look funny with their shirts off and short shorts trying to do movements no 10-year-old should do. Luckily, no teeth were missing. Just our sanity and occasional groaning after being kicked in the balls. I'm pretty sure my balls dropped around this time.

1985's American Ninja had it all. Of course, you had ninjas, lots of 'em. It's just that it should be important to note that the American ninja, Joe, was a true romantic at heart. He fought for the Colonel's daughter and seduced her by rescuing her from bad ninjas with those blue eyes. I learned that there was no point in being a ninja if there was no girl to rescue and seduce me for being a hero.

Editor: *Gags*

Okay, I am in a weird mood. I'm horny and I told you my embarassing past. It's obvious I need to get to Indiana but that's impossible for me til Saturday. Life is hard for me thanks to my balls being so big while I miss Sara's sweet, sweet pussy. Is that what a romantic ninja would say? Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07