-"Mad World" by Gary Jules

For some, the changing of the seasons goes by the cold chill, from the nasty sun's glare to the syrupy breeze while walking. I, on the other hand, can chalk it all up to the dead Monarch butterfly I found while walking my dog. A long time has passed since I've held one and I must say that I missed it. Even when I had that power of mischief engulfing me with her wisdom, butterflies, like the Monarch, would land on me. There was beauty when I crouched down to hold it in my hands.

It's really odd having satellite TV now. For the first few days, I was a little apprehensive about watching TV. It's only now that I realize how cool it is to have a large amount of movie channels all at the touch of a "Select" button. Needless to say, I've taken on a little more than dabbling in the fine art of movie selecting.

First of all, I am not the biggest TV watcher. Only when I get back from the gym will you find me on my back while Buffy curls up on the right. It's always been my belief that I feel like a zombie if staring at the TV for far too long. I may be American but not your typical obese fucker that has lost the ability to think for himself.

It's been a while since I've enjoyed having more than 10 channels that I actually watch. Even better is when the selection possibilities include great flicks like Donnie Darko, Pride & Prejudice (So sue me. I loved this flick and not just because the ultra talented Keira Knightley is in it.), and Mr. And Mrs. Smith. It's these great movies and a few more I can watch over and over while not losing that quality on the first viewing.

Plus, the picture quality is very impressive. My TV is a 46-inch Toshiba that I saved up for all Winter. To give you an idea as to how good it can get, I watched it from my neighbor's backyard (Makes me wonder just how many people know I was watching HBO's Real Sex episodes). Keira could be seen one yard away! That lovely face and a puppy in my lap took away all that cold feeling brought on by the wind.

FYI: To improve picture on a high definition, do play around with the picture settings. The factory's sucks and doesn't always bring out what you paid for. I've only just now learned that.

Yeah, sometimes, I take off to see the puppy next door. The neighbors don't mind and enjoy it that I keep the little Kailey busy. She'll be rummaging in the garden, pop her head up once the noise from the gate becomes noticeable, and off to run up to me. Kailey, I'm proud to say, has learned to hold her urine better. Other visits, she was so happy that I got pee'd on a lot.

That's a tip, girls. When your boyfriends come to visit you, know how to hold your urine. Write that down because knowing is half the battle.

As you can see, this is my time of year. You have your Summer but I love Fall. No more stinking so heavily after my workouts that not many can do. The light winds dry me and I become just as socially acceptable as a hosed down pig.

Did you know that a man was caught fucking a hedgehog? No joke. An actualy hedgehog was thought of as a cure for his premature ejaculation problem. Now, the little critter came out okay but the man..........got some spikes in some intimate places. Go, Hedgehog, go!

Other than all that, work is about to start and I'm getting nervous. Will I be able to deal with Crotch Rot and Clown? Are the late nights that go on til the early mornings going to cause my sleeping patterns to become too out of sync? Will I almost slip in a giant pile of vomit like last year? Just how many used tampons will it take til I throw up? Am I going to streak through the store as planned with my boss?

Isn't that anyone else's fantasy? You are with your boss and a few co-workers that you've gotten very close to after long hours together. There's that urge to do something completely wack-o and streaking is one of those things. Doug wanted to do it. Some of the girls were thinking of it. Plus, there are giant bouncee balls that when you add the sight of fresh-from-the-bra breasts, work is more fun. Anything's possible when you become part of a team that feels isolated from everyone else in the store.

Announcer: "Hedgehoggy, he's nuttier than a squirrel turd!"

And so I am outta here. There are still plans to visit Indiana on Saturday early evening. Sara is one girl that appreciates male nudity. Mah bootie gets a big ol' slap if shorts are left on. Good times! Now, everybody out there, get those clothes off and hula hoop or something. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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