Fletch: "I ordered some lunch."

Gail: "You ordered it here?"

Fletch: "Well, I knew this is where my mouth would be."

-Fletch

It feels funny to quote a movie I wasn't into but Bald-O can go on and on about how great it is. Maybe I will just have to watch Fletch again to see if there is a possibility I overlooked something.

There are dark times before us, folks. Or maybe it's just for those of us that grew up with Saved By the Bell on Saturday mornings. Sammy and I can tell you lots of useless trivia when it comes to Zach, Slater, Jessie, Lisa, and Screech. The person typing this can even remember how much he liked it that Screech somehow maintained a girlfriend named Violet.

Until now............heard the rumors? Dustin Diamond aka "Screech" just might have a sex tape about to be released on the 'Net? Sad but true as our lovable little geek starts out alone in a bathtub only to give a 'dirty sanchez' to 2 girls. Isn't this great!?! I mean, I pretty much expected Mario Lopez aka "Slater" to have a sex tape but definitely not this.

Editor: "Nope, Mario went on Nip/Tuck to bare his buns and a bit more prior to all that dancing against Springer. I miss the brillo looking hairstyle only he could pull off."

It seems like everyone is putting out a sex tape at some point thanks to the 'Net. Hiss? Sammy? Zu-Zu? Summer? When should I expect to see y'all rock some guy's night?

It's just that Dustin Diamond is not exactly someone you'd expect girls to fawn over (Yes, I know you have a special place in your heart for him, Sammy) but fame does weird things. From what I saw in the Colin Farrell sex tape, I can see why women want him. Nice looking guy and amusing to listen to if you love obscenities every few seconds (Don't we all?). Too bad, the Playboy Playmate was terrible at giving Colin a blowjob because I, certainly, don't find what she did as sexually stimulating.

Fact: I have to report to my workplace for a meeting on Saturday night. Can you feel the excitement?

Today was quite chilly but worthy of a day spent outside. Fine by me as I walked Buffy and worked here and there on the backyard's deck. There is only one person in this family that can carry 9 45-pound bags of pea gravel and that man is I. Since the bags shift weight here and there, they aren't as easy to lift as 45-pound plates found in weight-lifting.

Being that I paid close attention to where the spiders have been living, I knew that there was a large web in the corner for a reason. A wolf spider had made this portion its home for some time all through the summer. After removing about 4 bags, there it was but much larger than I thought it would be after feeding. That corner was perfect because the spider looked like its size was from being at a buffet table, not your average sized wolf spider.

My mom's kind of funny towards spiders. She hates them, as most women do, but the sight of her standing behind me with the sweeper was funny. If I had not sent the spider scurrying away underneath the wooden boards, she would have sucked it up into the canister.

Me: "Run, spider, run!"

As much as it is now nice to see the backyard's deck looking so fucking good, we have a problem. It was here on 9 bags of 45-pound pea gravel that our dog, Clyde, like to climb up on to poop. Those turds would drop behind (it was like Connect 4 in the back) and would eventually add up yet there was a reason.

As much as this sounds unbelievable, it's completely true. Clyde does not like to poop in public. You'd see many dogs popping a squat during their walks outside but mine's a little different. You see, Clyde needs a bush or time away from prying eyes. Those 9 bags of gravel gave him this but no longer. Clyde must now deal with the most horrible act of all, poopin' in public.

Fact: One of the funniest things about Clyde is how, once he is done, he'll run very hard as if he's saying, "Gaw, I don't have to take a shit for 24 hours!" Each of my 5 Yorkies has pyschological issues.

Today, there was some kind of study that talked of how kids no longer have any form of creativity. Once again, I've gotta say that this finding is not surprising.

I'll admit to popping into a website every now and then that deals with my sneaker addiction to Air Jordans. Yeah, I'll take note of the rumors as to which ones will be releasing and when. While that's nice and all, I can't help but notice that a lot of these kids are desperately asking for help on how to dress. I'm not joking that personal style has become nothing but clones.

Way back when, I never ever had the thought of asking someone to tell me what clothes would match my sneakers. Now, I may have the plan where Sara helps me bring out a little bit when it comes to shirts but nothing along the lines of wanting to look like everyone else. That's probably why I secretly envied punks when I was in private Catholic school. I'd have to sit there at my desk in a nice shirt (no writing of any kind) and long pants (no jeans with holes or holes of any kind) while a guys with ripped shirts and a mohawk walked by the windows.

Another thing about this sneaker website is the nastiness directed towards women. Believe it or not, there are some girls that love sneakers. After placing pics up that are completely nice with no sexual imagery, guys lay it on them that only rappers would find endearing. It's really sad that women cannot do anything without some guy running his mouth off about her being nothing but a ho.

It's official. The world sucks since our kids have no creativity, our president brags about being a "C" student, the schools are more violent, women can't do anything without them being seen as solely for sex, and everyone wants to be famous by putting up a sex tape on the 'Net while over 60% think the American Dream is to be famous.

So, I'm outta here. I've got plenty to talk about but I'm still recovering from Indiana. At least, Dr. Phil isn't on his way over to give me a good talking on how S & M is bad for me. We'll get into that later after Sammy tells me how bad she had a crush on Screech.........Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07