-The Ladies Man

Today, it may be quite possible that I rediscovered a little bit of masculinity within myself. Shouts of hooray and invisible pats on the back as I let out an amazing amount of farts after eating half a bag of taco-flavored Doritos. What is packed in those bags is a lethal amount of methane that I doubt any person can keep their assholes quiet. Only the dog was present in the room.

FYI: I take full responsibility for what I did after eating half that bag of magical tootin' Doritos. In no way did I get up and behave like I was searching for a herd of elephants that occasionally happen when men get together. It was all me.

I've talked about how one of the best things in life is to come home from the gym and just soak in a tub of hot water. The feeling is so thereupetic for my skin and aching muscles. I don't let my arms hang out but scrunch them inside the tub for maximum effect of the water's effect. I've oohed and ahhhed plenty while watching my toes turn pink.

Now, we can add a new love for gym recovery. Besides an insane craving for those Doritos packed with more fartin' power than magic beans, the E! Channel brings about a new reality show I've been curious about. If you are a fan of the Backstreet Boys or sunk to a complete low of dancing around the room to Aaron Carter, this one's for you.

House Of Carters. What can I say? Add alcohol and, boy, do we get to see a family fight. I man, really fight with a nice mention of Paris Hilton, the moron that Nick Carter once dated. All of these kids are on their own with Nick's money since the parents became theives. Forget the Osbournes! Young drunks are more fun to watch.

Remember that I don't watch much TV, the occasional reality show here and there. I don't know what drove me to watch a former Backstreet Boy allow cameras into a house so all can watch people leech off of poor Nick's money. I never understood why anyone had an interest in Aaron Carter or why Lindsay Lohan fought over him with that Duff girl. Does money make you prettier.

Poor Nick. Forced to grow up after crying during an arrest last year. Taking care of a family of potential alcoholics aint easy when they want money to "pursue their interests." Nick's put on some weight that is noticeable even if he tries to hide it with oversized t-shirts. Never try that around a gym addict because we know all the tricks.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. The Backstreet Boys were better than NSYNC. So there. I don't just want it that way but it IS that way.

Ever had those days that you just don't want to talk to anyone? That's what I'm going through now. Sure, I'll say hi to a friend and all that but I'm not seeking out a conversation. It's just a weird day that I wanted to be alone throughout.

Most of my time has been spent reading the second DragonLance book to pass the time. Read and then lean to the side for a long toot. Repeat. Enter Dorito. It almost makes me sound like a robot and you just know those bastards continue to steal old people's medication. Those whistles and beeps are just their way of saying how happy some Xanax has been left unguarded.

So, I hope y'all are more talkative than I. A part of me blames all this on the fact that I have not seen Anderson Cooper's show in a month. My need to read has overshadowed the need to find out the numbers on this recent satellite TV.

- - 2009-07-07

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