-Salvadore Dali

It's pointless to stay mad at someone, especially when he/she may not fully know what's wrong. Plus, it's so draining. Where you once had a lot of energy over the fact that you suddenly realize someone did something to make you feel this way, now you walk tired-like from overdoing things.

I'm pretty sure after being with Sara for 1 year and...........8 months (give or take a few days), she knows how I behave so childish. I sulk. I stare out the window away from her. I don't want to be near anyone or talk to anyone. In other words, I don't tell the person I am mad but give them dirty looks. Like I said, childish.

However, talking to no one is impossible in my gym. I know pretty much everyone and all will say hi or to try and get my attention. What better way to vent on things than a recently divorced guy. You remember him? It's the guy that paid $10,000 to get divorced because his ex-wife is a drunk. Plus, he's mad about the TV remote being used as a weapon that is now destroyed. Men do not like getting up to change the channel ever.

It's pretty obvious I love Sara. There is no way I'd say anything bad about her to anyone. I've fallen for 2 women and that other is Kristan, most likely because she started a major awakening in me that I feel so obligated towards her. Guys I know think I'm crazy to turn down the opportunities I've had but I'm solely for one person. I'm not the typical male nor will I ever be the typical male.

It's weird being in love with someone. Even if they occasionally piss you off, you still think about all the good things they do. Because I love how Sara is amazing in her artwork and amusingly witty by pointing out things I didn't notice in front of me. Neither of us is feeble minded or needs to follow others in order to feel whole. Life's much better when you find someone that can, at some point in time, color in coloring books you.

I've found myself staring at Sara's eyes because they are so damn nice to look at while she smiles. There's a lot of that when we first see each other on visits. Either that or she wants to know the name of the latest riciculous movie I've brought with me.

I could tell you everything quirky about Sara. From the most lovely of breasts she has to the stinkiest feet ever invented, that's her.

What's weird to me is how I have no idea why I just suddenly got mad. Was it how various things Sara said that suddenly added up? My frustrations with myself? Am I just going loony and wanting to fight/cause drama?

All I've done today is read that damn addictive DragonLance War Of the Souls Part 3 and talk to a few people in the gym. The divorced guy told me how he thinks Cass is unbelievably gorgeous. Funny. I've been trying to get her to realize that for a long time. She, too, has low self-esteem where it counts. The other parts of Cass run with the wolves so she's pretty damn tough.

Recently divorced guys are fun to talk to. I love how he says that women talk too much. It was when he blurted out that they think they are smarter than men.

Me: "They are."

Guy: "(whispers) I know."

Other than that, I did get to see my first pec tear up close. That guy that had the accident on the weight bench with the 130lb. dumbbells came by the gym in a tank top. Right there, all around his left pectoral muscle was what looked like an enormous black/blue bruise. This wasn't your typical bruise because you'd look at it in horror as if wondering where the sword had gone through. Gross but this pec tear looked exactly like I'd seen in pictures from fitness magazines. Scary and I definitely think my benchpressing will stop at 4 plates (4-45 pound plates on each side = 360 pounds).

As I said, I'm tired and not sleeping much. It's not the cold because this is my type of weather (the wind, however, is my enemy). I miss Sara and could do without my dog's diva-like attitude towards everything ever since she started demanding more walks. Guess who had to pull small burs out of a little dog's paws today? Two times! The worst thing is that I had to carry her home the rest of the way all because I couldn't find the burs while outside. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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