-'Belle de Jour' by Anonymous (p. 208)

Well, it is definitely fall. Seeing as I am having to bend down as I walk through the hall to pick up leaves that my dogs' butts have brought forth, it's off to an amazing start. For my room alone, I counted 5 leaves and a small amount of dirt on the floor. Muddy paws and leaves stuck on little dogs' butts, you can't have one without the other.

And so I have come up with my nickname for Buffy, the little Yorkshire Terrier that I take out for 2 walks per day. She can deal with Slutwatcher and dogs 3 to 5 times her size so a name is needed. I'm going to call her "5-Pound Phooey." It totally fits, seeing as she walked up to a white Scottie today, gave it lip, and walked off. That little dog is the only one that shows 5-Pound Phooey a small amount of love. Picky bitch.

Of course, I haven't mentioned my neighbors' puppy in a while. Big. It's big now and running like a real dog does when the owner leaves it in the backyard. She's chewed up the garden's flowers, destroyed paper plates, and wiped her muddy paws all over the backdoor. What's great is how she reacts to the sight of me walking into the backyard.

"Yo, let's get this shit started!"

Being that I have 5 little dogs to deal with each day (dinner is weird y'all), I've only got a good 10 to 20 minutes of running around with another dog. What she does like is to be chased and then to be put on a small childrens' slide. Ever watched a dog slide down? Once time is up, I have to deal with the jealousy of 5 noses asking me about this 'other dog.'

Scarlett Johannson has been named 'Esquire's' Most Desirable Woman? Ugh, I'm all for Keira but then a lot of men would voice out that it's about the tits. Since when is is about all that? I'm more into Keira for Keira. Good selection of films? Check. Body? I do like skinny as well as some muscle. Small breasts are sexiest. Check. Personality? Oh, dear, a woman that cusses with the words "fuck" and "cunt!" Check.

Fact: When Keira said the words, "It's my pussy you're dreaming about," in Domino, I nearly fainted. That woman looked right at me for they were directed at me. Damn am I getting to be that easily read?

We here at HedgehoggyLand certify Keira Knightley as the most desirable female. Shagworthy and shag on.

But Scarlett? She's okay, nothing that makes me go crazy. Some of me sees her as such a snob in so many of the answers she's given in interviews. The really weird part is that someone has placed it in Scarlett's head that she should sing. No joke. Maybe Lindsay Lohan was right in writing that she's a cunt on a bathroom stall.

Of course, I am not going to bring up Jessica Alba for fear of Sammy's wrath. The girl cannot act nor bring me about to learning more about her. If an actress bitches about nudity but spends 75% of a movie with barely any clothing (Into the Blue), she should rethink her mind-set. Thanks to Samantha for that one. Jessica's still purty with an amazing body.

Notable mentions:

-Foreign newscasters are nice to watch (eyes, oh, the eyes!) and listen to. Accents are nice. France is extra nice.

-Female gymnasts are worth watching because I wish I could do the splits yet still not have mah undies ride up my crack a wee bit too far.

-Adriana Lima of Victoria's Secret is so oomphly orgasmic. Eyes, ass, tummy, and unusual look.

Am I the only guy that is curious about Jennifer Aniston's The Break-Up? I'd like to see this movie but find a little of me is worried. No one wants to spend 2 hours wasting their lives even if Jen does display a little ass.

Editor: "Are you sure you are a guy?"

Does anyone else get stared at? Recently or for some time, I should say, a guy working at my gym just glares at me. I hate how I have to visit the front desk to get these 2 5-pound extra weights to add to the machines (I use the complete stacks on just about everything). Sure, he'll give me what I want but continue staring at me. He's not gay so don't go there.

There were times I was asked as to how I got the way I am. Just ask Sara and she'll tell you how much fun it is to play with pecs and compare ourselves in the mirror prior to a shower together. I've got the tits in the relationship. Are guys jealous? Is it because this guy notices others looking at me.

I'm not full of myself. No sir. The challenge is what got me this big and it's the challenge that'll keep me there. Slutwatcher admitted to me that I'm lucky in how every girl talks to me. Well, duh. Just listen or talk about yo' boy, Flava Flav. Flava Flav! Every girl I know in the gym watches that show and I can debate with the best of them.

There's only 1 girl I go home to everyday, 5-Pound Phooey, and it's always off for a romantic stroll around the neighborhood. Sara gets me every once in a while, the goofy and confusing sides.

And so, 'Belle de Jour?' Very entertaining book that I'd love to get into soon. 3 days of reading it here and there all while not wanting to put it down. It's pretty funny that this book comes as a birthday gift from my girlfriend, Sara, along with an occult one. I guess I just ooze discussions on vampires and sex. Yes, I still love werewolves more but there's not many books on them for main characters. Call girls it is.

Oh, I've noticed an annoying pattern when it comes to male discussions. Monday nights in the gym are all about Sundays games. Tuesdays are all about Monday night games while Fridays are about...........you guessed it, Thursday night games. Football, football, football. It's no wonder I don't talk much to guys but do nod on occasion when I am asked.

Talk to me about Delishis and New York and you'll get me to open up about yo' boy's urges to knock that Viking helmet off of Flavor Flav's head.

And so I must part. Love how someone from my faves has been checking out my diary. I'm such a fuck up that you can't resist, huh,? I agree that Nintendo rocked, as you cleverly put in your diary. A round of Double Dragon or Ninja Gaiden gets my blood pumping while Super Mario 2 brings back some fond memories where I had to borrow it. Metroid made a friend cry when I told him I beat it before he got to see the ending. A day is not a day unless you've made someone eternally angry at you. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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