You mean go home and watch television while sipping hot chocolate in m pajamas? I think he would feel my fee was somehow less justified. But still better is the mumbled reply of 'Oh, you know, the usual.'

No, I don't know. For you, the usual might be open-air rope bondage with a ring of ponygirls. I know it is for me."

-'Belle de Jour' by Anonymous (p. 230)

It saddens me how even the deaf community can piss me off or even lightly enlighten me to their needs. Gallaudat University, school for the deaf, is still having problems with its students upset the the president is not "deaf enough." There have been protests all year over this fact. I've heard "not black enough" to describe a lot of black males but "not deaf enough" is one that irks me.

First of all, how do you describe "not deaf enough?" Some forms of hearing loss are heavy while others are quite subtle to the point that an outsider wouldn't notice. As we all know, mine has its ups and downs in regards to weather and allergies. This being, rain irritates it when mold spores are released into the air. Allergies? Mold, dust, and pollen are some major culprits on how good my day is.

But I can kind of see why students are upset over a deaf university being allowed to have a hearing president. The only problem is she isn't. I'm pretty sure I read that her understanding of sign language came late, a major factor in all this. Some deaf people go to school with regular kids so why hold it against them?

It's funny. I remember how some of my friends in high school said I dressed "like a black guy" while I walked around in Air Jordans and all sorts of Air Jordan clothes. Everyone has an opinion.

Bush is in a bit of a mess, something that I'm sure never came into his demented mind nor his dog's. If he says that this decision on Iraq comes from the canine variety, I will forever laugh at him over this.

North Korea. That little guy, Kim Jung-Il, must have one of the smallest dicks in the world. You read over and over in the news that Lil Kim taunts the U.S. over these possible sanctions while telling all that will listen that he's gone nuclear. With many of our forces in Iraq, how will we deal with this guy? We can't police the whole world, especially since everyone is obsessed with Mark Foley's penis in the news.

It's always the men with small dicks that are in such trouble. Not that I've seen them. It's just that I feel like people that cause trouble like this feel so inadequete that they need to be seen in some flashy way. Foley asked for sizes while Lil Kim keeps jumping up and down (the dude is, like, tiny, yo) for anyone to see him as a force to be reckoned with. Why can't these guys be like me? I've got gigantic balls and enjoy being mellow.

Hot movie coming soon: Christian Bale is in The Prestige, something about magicians of long ago. Looks good from the previews so support The Bale, people. That man can act while running naked in the halls with a chainsaw hunting for an escaped hooker. Go, white boy, go!

Many of the people I talk to in the gym come with short to the point conversations. "How are ya?" "Did you see (insert movie, football incident, or local scandal here)?" Some exceptions are Cass who will mock me for my love of the band, Garbage. Richard (the divorced guy that is upset about having no TV remote due to his wife's drunken rage) pretty much talks about everything. Kim just goes haywire where she'll tell me it doesn't matter who looks up her shorts while she works out along with her itching for sex after a divorce. Of course, we all know Slutwatcher and Joe.

Lauren's a bit different. Not only do I admire her impressive workout in my gym but a sense of tomboyishness. While it is odd talking about fighting styles like Mauy Thai and others, I do find it fun to hear a girl discussing how to beat the shit out of someone. Add all that up to a very pretty girl, one that has her hands taped up for hitting the dummy.

I've never gotten to really talk to Lauren until now. Most of the time, she's in the extra room kicking the shit out of the dummy and then onto Spin class. Today, Lauren was nearby me working on her chest only to come right up and tell me about how awful her day was. Apparently, I perked her right back up because I sent her laughing.

You see, Lauren, as I've now officially found out, is gay. What I didn't realize until now is how sexually behind she is. No toys. Not once, ever. Never been spanked or had fingernail marks along various bodyparts. I'm not gonna lie. It was fun talking to someone that is just dying to really go nuts in bed because the look on her face was telling me naughtiness has been on her mind.

A lesbian that's never used a sex toy!?! That shocked me because I always pictured them as being the most crazy with wanting to put various things inside themselves or lovers. I could tell that Lauren really wanted to do all this because I went on and on about how I find it fun when Sara smacks my ass really hard. Then, the eyes opened much wider when I talked about how my back once had claw marks that bled. Lauren, a beautiful girl that kicks the shit out of a dummy with ease, is suprised by a little pain?

The really weird thing? Lauren is single, totally single and definitely wanting to get back into sex. There was my other statement that I didn't understand about gays. Why would someone want to touch the same naughty parts that he/she already has? For instance, I love to play with a girl's pussy like mad. I don't have one so it's seen by me as more fun. I guess gays can laugh at us for not understanding this.

However, I can see how some women want to explore being with other women. The female anatomy is a hell of a lot more beautiful to look at which would explain why a lot of my female friends enjoyed thumbing through 'Playboys.' Of course, comments come up in regards to the shapes designed in the pubic hair.

I've gotta thank Sara for opening me up to a little pain. Many of the people I know are like what I once was, only doing the traditional. Oral, sex, and that's it. Anal is now considered traditional because it's so popular. Remember Bald-O? Poor guy wishes he had stuck his finger up his ex-girlfriend's butt long ago instead of being so inhibited. Not many people are willing to admit to a love of pain but I must say that you're missing out. I do, however, draw the line at nipple twisting. Ouch.

Editor: "Get Lauren a sex toy! Everyone has to start somewhere!"

Oh, and as for why Lauren is single, she says most women she meets are too prissy for her tastes. Yeah, the ones in my gym are really bad since they seem to follow 'Cosmo's' latest advice on how to lose 5 pounds in less than a week.

So, I'm outta here. 5-Pound Phooey seems to not question whether I'm white enough when I take her for a walk. Nas said that all he needed was 1 mic. All I need is 1 red leash and away we go! How many think I'd be arrested if I went door to door to hand out large dildoes and vibrators? Halloween is coming up so all the naughty adults need something to go with those slutty costumes after getting passing out in the host's massive cleavage. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07