-'Belle de Jour' by Anonymous (more dating tips from our favorite prostitute)

Worst day.............EVER! I am not joking as to how bad things were all day and continued til close to 5pm. It seemed like everyone wanted to go shopping on the day my parents and I decided to go on errands together for the first time since..........oh, years.

I rarely go out with both my parents when it comes to their errands. Today was not a choice since it is me that can remember the grocery list better than my mother. If things are forgotten, I get a simple "oops." Not today.

Start around 10am to get my dad's phone set-up in a home theater/phone place. As far as I know, I sat in this large chair for quite a while watching the local football game on one 70-inch TV while a 43-inch played Monsters Inc. next to it. Kind of weird watching 2 things at once but, then again, our local football program has been rated by 'Penthouse' as one of the absolute worst. Monsters Inc. it is!

I'm sure y'all thought I was home. There's giant TVs in high definition while various home theater set-ups were all around. I don't know if it's a total guy thing but I, seriously, love to work on tinkering with wires. Somewhat self-taught and, yes, I set up my own 5 speaker surround. Some of the guys working at the place were doing just that for new equipment and I drooled over the new receivers. Denon, Marantz........oh, lordy take me away.

Plus, there were fish to look at. These weren't ordinary fish bowl types but a giant fish tank containing those you'd find in the ocean. There was the usual lion fish and clown fish but the others were completely exotic and gorgeous swimming around the barnacles. Nice idea to have a huge fish tank in the middle of the store because staring at 30 TVs all playing the same thing (except the one playing Monsters Inc.) can make you feel a little weird.

FYI: 70 inches equals $5,999. Beautiful but I'm more keen on 52 inches when it comes to my TV needs.

So, after about a full quarter of football and watching the bad monster try to catch Boo as Sully and Mike go from closet to closet, we went to a place going out of business. Again, it was a long wait but much worse. No silly monsters to look at. No football to keep my mind busy. My mom, dad, and I stood in line for 40 minutes thanks to the register's credit card functions quiting on the people in front of us. Since this was a store full of people taking advantage of the liquidating, our only choice was to stay in line. It sucked. It sucked real bad.

Then, my mom got sick. On top of that, she got a headache only we weren't done yet..........

Off to the grocery store since this was my sole reason for being with them. Dammit, everyone had to go shopping as the football game was over. Long line and, once again, the register's credit card functions F'd up. I wanted to throw things because it seemed like the whole day was spent standing in line. The only highlight was seeing a girl that looked exactly like Christina Aguilera. Freaky.

Wanna know what happens when people have a horrible day together? All of us seperated. My dad, leaving my mother to tend to the groceries (ass), went upstairs. Once I got everything in, off to my room to stare at the ceiling while my 5-Pound Phooey sat next to me with her big brown eyes. Mom, throwing up her hands, went into the kitchen to bitch out by tossing silverware. None of us talked to each other once we got home.

Oh, and if you ever get bored while your parents try on clothes, look for scent testers. I smelled good thanks to a little Kenneth Cole. Smelling good does lower the frustration just a notch, enough to not throw Skittles at morons that ask clerks an obscene amount of stupid questions while they load up groceries. You so stupid. Now, go away!

Know who Claire Danes is? Well, I love this actress and have done so since I first saw her in that old ABC TV show, My So Called Life. Thanks to satellite, I watched a bit of Shopgirl where she's seduced by Steve Martin. That movie got it right on depression and made me love the characters. By the way, this whole movie came from Steve Martin's book of the same name. Supposedly good.

Oh, I love Claire Danes! It's gotta be the red hair and her acting.

So, there you have it. My day sucked and all I wanted to do was lay around after standing in line for too long. The closet is only halfway done while something I wanted to do for all of you is just not possible til later (Trust me. It was real good).

Plus, I might be leaving for Sara's tomorrow. A boy needs to see his girlfriend and to have his little booty whipped back onto the pain train. Sexy time will happen soon so be patient, my little perverts (you know who you are) as I promise to get into 'Belle de Jour.' A good fictional prostitute has plenty to say about life, dating, and sex. You really should be spending some time giving your pumpkins a lobotomy on the kitchen tables. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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