-Natacha Merritt (on whether she wishes she had a penis and her thoughts on why they are in so many of her photos)

It is Doggie Central here and Hedgehoggy is reporting live! 2 dogs came into my backyard as I was about to walk in the backdoor. "Lost" was written all over their faces so, once I put my little mouthy 5-Pound Phooey inside, it was time for a rescue.

Seriously, that's what I feel like this house has become, a place for lost dogs to seek help in finding their owners. Today, 2 beautiful big dogs just came out of nowhere. Me being me, I couldn't say no and just let them continue being lost. So, I did my best friendly appearance to coax them into the gated portion. It's also a good thing these 2 dogs were so nice that I wished I could adopt them right then and there.

Of course, my only problem was getting 5-Pound Phooey out of the area. These dogs were huge compared to her but this does not stop her from giving a lot of lip. Even the third lost dog I encountered after the gym was given the same treatment.

Buffy: Bad for other animals, especially squirrels, birds, rabbits, and dogs but good for people, especially if you have a treat in your hands that needs to be gone.

Of course, you want to know what happened to the 2 lost dogs. After a lot of feeding them (so hungry that one tried to eat the post-its) where I ended up with doggie slobber, the address was found to be underneath the Humane Society's number. Just down the street only the people were not home. Found a guy that knew them and off they went. Good ending but I hated seeing those 2 dogs go.

Just how many lost dogs have I had to help? I'm not sure how they seem to find their way here in my backyard. It could be that I smell like dog, in other words, friendly to their kind so I must be good.

My friend, Tamallah, owns a massage place. Me being me, I just had to ask her if male customers ever get wood. Yup, a lot do when Tamallah massages the inner thigh. It's here that this poor woman being presented with a large male appendage has to ignore while still working. She's hilariously fun to talk to about this stuff.

So, I'll get into what I've been itching for. When I came across my old book, 'Digital Diaries' by Natacha Merritt, it got me thinking about our attitudes and desires when it comes to the subject of sex. A lot of my own memories come into play in regards to what people have told me. What grosses out one person, someone else might find to be fun.

Ex: Bald-O may have made it his mission for the last 2 to 3 years to stick his finger up a girl's butt but I've found I enjoy a good smack on my bare bottom. Bald-O thinks I'm crazy while I don't understand his obsession since anal doesn't come up in my head much. Every now and then, sure, but a good red handprint on my ass is far better.

I laugh about sex because there are so many things to discuss on the subject. Did you know that there are masks for couples that get off on enjoying the smell of each other's farts? You might be laughing or think this is disgusting but some people out there connect a tube to another's asshole and inhale those fumes.

Sara doesn't believe me when I say that her cat farts out what I think is bad tuna.

Think for a moment how you will find yourself judging other people's sexual habits. It's okay. I do, too, because I get into a fit of giggles over all sorts of things. Now, remember when you had a penis in your mouth? Was it yesterday? Last night? It's been a while since I've licked Sara's pussy but I can say to you with a straight face that I did and enjoyed it. There are people out there that think we are sick individuals for having a person's genitals touch our mouths.

Then again, most of these people believe in hocus-pocus and eat whatever the cat left them in the litterbox. It's all relative, really.

Sara has been trying to get out my inner kinkiness. With my only experiences being college sex in the usual traditional way, dorm room, house, apartments where it was all on the bed in various positions. Not once was I smacked on my hairless bottom. Not once. The only kinky thing I can come up with is the one I told Bald-O. Jen just had to know how much cum my balls held so she stroked me off til every drop was in the palm of her hand. Bald-O thought it was freaky when I told him that she licked up the whole pool.

The latest figures say that 45% of women swallow. That means that 55% is so, let's quote from Full House, so rude.

What turns me on? I've been racking my brain to know. After reading Natacha and various other women talk about every detail on their love of penises, semen, and fucking, I feel so white bread.

1). I love receiving blowjobs, spontaneous one are best. Just play with my cock while watching TV, stop the show, and suck me off just like that. Have me sit up while you get on your knees to receive me.

2). Tell me what you want. I enjoy knowing what a girl wants in bed, no matter how x-rated it is. My ex, Kristan, was into watersports. Now, I've never done such a thing but, it's like I was telling Sara recently, this is going to be the next big sex thing. Shirley Manson of Garbage and a few celebrities have been interviewed about how they enjoy it. Shirley even discussed how to pee in a man's belly-button. If you want to do so on my thigh or foot, fine. Or better yet, watch me pee, I'll just whip it out and go while you sit there. Every girl I've known has watched a boy at some point.

3). Tell me how wet you are. I'm sure I'll find out when my fingers are busy finding their way into you. Boys tell a girl how hot they are for them by getting hard so it's our job to let our fingers go swimming. Jen use to tell me how wet her panties were while sitting in class waiting to see me in her room. Hell, she even ripped 'em off to prove there was a massive wet stain. Never hold back. Let that dam burst!

4). Feel me up. Grab my ass or get your hands down in my Calvins. Stroke my cock and let the heat of your breath reach my neck. Be gentle and slow to start. My ass loves a good squeeze and for your finger to be run down the crack.

5). On your knees. Good girls are boring. Bad girls go everywhere so get down and lick my balls while I stroke what you've started. When I tell you I'm going to explode, open your mouth. It's fun to aim but you take control soon by sucking the rest of my cum out. And don't worry for I find it degrading to squirt the face.

6). I hope you enjoy watching me cum. I know I do when I see your juices drip out. For some reason, I get this really warm fuzzy feeling when a girl watches me squirt and then licks the results. I'm so glad I'm not a dripper but it's still good when there is a tongue to catch all that.

7). Bend over. Let's see what ya got! I love to see everything between a girl's legs. So many pores, little hairs, long hairs (the missed ones), an asshole, pussyhole, swollen lips that need to be licked, and all of these things need to be touched. Tits are nice but I'm a total vagina-hound and I like to smell what I'm working with, too.

8). Doggie style? Might be a bit rough. I like to hit hard since it takes a lot for me to shoot. Might be some bruises.

9). I wanna eat you. Zombies go for brains. I go for pink tacos. Lately, I've been licking while holding Sara's legs up to her ears. Fun position since she did complain that oral was getting to be the same ol' flat on her back. Enter lots of laughter when I hold her more upwards.

10). You can finger my asshole but make sure your nails are low. Thank you.

11). You can name my penis but it has 2 friends nearby that want names as well. Why not? You've been pretending that it can talk. "Hi, this is Fred and his two nutty friends, Ben and Jerry.

12). Fingers. Many of them will be in your, possibly all within the week. Fingering is fun because a). it's good to know you are wet b). you are moaning c). you have provided a delicious treat d). good sexuality is exploring the other as much as possible.

13). I like to eat you out from behind. I just pray you don't fart for my hair and nose will never be the same. In this position, I get the best of both worlds, your pussy and asshole. Assholes are cute while pussies are fun to work with. Sometimes, I might stick a finger in both at the same time. Work with me here and pass the lube since no girl should go without a DP of some type.

14). Laughter. Because sex is fun and I have fallen off the bed or nearly broken my fingers thanks to Sara's thrashing. Now you see why I am kind of scared because my girlfriend is ruthless and takes no prisoners by using Dick Cheney's belief in torture.

15). Yes, you can play with my cock at anytime. Peeing? Unzip me and look at it while you sit there. Brushing your teeth? Use one hand to brush and the other to.......oh, you get the idea. Just don't do this when we are eating with your parents. That's where feet come in.

16). Be clean. I know the vagina is self-cleaning but I still enjoy a freshly scrubbed area. Turns me on when the soapy smell is gone because that's the point that the pussy smell comes back. Hooray for sweat, urine, and girly juices all combined in one!

17). Showering together is the shit. Wash me, baby! Bend over and I'll make sure every crevice has been rid of by daily doings. There's also something sexy about holding someone that is as wet and soapy as you.

18). Orgies or threesomes. Go for it and explore your fantasies. I'm not shy in admitting that I would love to watch others to see what gets them going even if threesomes aren't exactly something I think of.

19). Ride me. Cowgirl style is my favorite but only if you know how to milk my cock with your pussy lips. Some girls have no idea the power those things can weild. Kristan could do it easily thanks to such amazing muscles. Guys I've talked to have never experienced this. All a girl has to do is squeeze the cock while riding. The boy cannot hold back for very long.

20). Same with handjobs. Milk the damn thing slowly with lots of lube. Sara will tell you that I whimper because I'm in such pleasure.

So, there you have some idea as to what my warped mind is thinking. I guess I'm kind of boring because I don't do the dress-up thing by pretending to be a dirty cop or a superhero with super gigantic balls. You are either laughing at me or laughing with me. Just remember that you have a penis in your mouth at some point after the dude has waved it near your eyeballs.

I'm now in dire need of sleep while this continuous rain pounds on us. I don't think I've seen daylight during all this. Would like to see Sara soon because it's a case of boy misses girl. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07