-Mr. And Mrs. Smith

I'm in this weird enjoyment of walking my dog at night. My curiousity gets picqued when I look to my right or left while waiting for Buffy to open her pee-mail. Due to the houses' lights, I can see just what everyone is watching on their TVs. Not once have I come across porn (Damn, I was so hoping to see what people are into) but football, lots and lots of football (on big screen TVs, of course).

I shouldn't talk. Today was a rarity in which I watched more than an 2 hours of football since my beloved Chicago Bears played the Miami Dolphins only to lose. Boo-hoo. The unbeaten streak ends and various men of large sizes cry.

I'm still confused as to why Americans find soccer so boring. Football is more fun to play than watch thanks to no commercials for male impotence (Fat guys do have problems getting it up when a large bowl of Cheetos are in his lap) and constant time-outs. Soccer's got constant lightning in that you follow the ball at a faster rate. Maybe it's the fact that America doesn't have an athlete like David Beckham's caliber to excite anyone.

But I do miss playing football. It's strange because I was talking to Slutwatcher about this on Friday. It's here that I realized how much I enjoy pain because one of my favorite things to happen in the sport is to get the shit kicked out of myself. 5 guys gonna tackle me? No prob but I will still run like hell.

Now don't go getting your knickers wet, especially those with whips in hand, I'm only talking about the feeling of a good bruising, not broken bones. Never ever will I ever want to experience the pain of that. 8 weeks was what my doctor told me. Healing took about 10 weeks and forever to learn how to walk right again.

I've still yet to find another that enjoys a good spank on the bare bottom as I do. Oh, sure, you go thinking that, when I'm at Sara's, a night of me completely naked over her lap is typical. No, that hasn't happened but I have had several good ones in the shower. How come no one else will admit to a love of pain!?! Slutwatcher only likes a small amount. I know Hiss does but Hore and Sammy are the two I wonder...........

Oh, and Doogie Howser comes out of the closet. Now I've got this strange thought that he fucked Vinnie, his best friend in the show. Once again, I feel like I was caught napping in Mr. Oches class since I never saw Doogie as being gay. If Screech can do a "dirty sanchez," anything's possible.

*Be ready, ladies. Screech's video goes on sale this month.*

That brings me to a question that goes through my mind. Just how well would Screech's video sell? Will it be like K-Fed, a guy thinking he's all that only to be booed off the stage on Halloween night? Does any girl that grew up with Screech want to see the use of a penis to draw on a girl after it's been in her ass? Always thinking.

So, Sammy and I have been talking about this Dixie Chicks fiasco that I mentioned previously. You remember the whole event where Natalie told concert goers that she was ashamed of the president. Contrary to popular belief, it was back then not so popular to talk shit about our retarded emperor.

Bald-O lives in the south, way down south in Illinois that takes me a 2.45 hour drive out to where we call him, "Big Balls In Cow-Town." Apparently, no one has seen my gigantic balls that Sara is quite proud to mention to anyone that asks. Well, on my drive down there a short time after Natalie's statement, I saw signs that read:

"We don't sell Dixie Chicks"

That was the nicest one. This was a small town of about 7,000 so that tells you how far the shit hitting the fan went.

I'm not saying Nat was brave in telling us all that she's ashamed of our retarded president that tells us he knows how hard it is for us to "put food on our families." It's just that one small statement can lead to others telling her she can't say that. It's either "un-Patriotic" or disses the hard work of the soldiers in Iraq. Bullshit. It was only over the blunder after blunder of the retard in charge thinking that it's okay to go into a country, blow things up, and not think about what to do after.

I, seriously, don't get why people defend Bush. What does this man have to do til people actually open up their eyes over what he's done? Sold Iraq to Halliburton (made over $100 million), lied, and blah, blah, blah. Please, vote wisely or I'm going to be heard whining to Sara in a restaurant on how pathetic this world is getting.

Just read the interview with the Chicks in the new 'Playboy.' I'm sure the guy standing next to you at Borders will be winking at you while you do so. Pretty much every one of them love the potential of a bi-sexual girl. Well, except the ones pretty much in the south. They don't think that eatin' pussy is a good thing.

Editor: "Is that why northern girls wink at you, Hedge? It seems like every girl knows your love of eatin' pussy."

As for me, I'm at a loss on the fact that Photobucket won't even let me back in to edit some of those new pictures I put up. Nice that I've had over 500 hits but I'd like to explain a few of the photos without words. 92 pictures, baby. I'm so happy that I got them up before Photobucket went on the fritz, though. Even more to come since I've got another camera to develop soon.

NFL football said no-no to Jenna Jameson? Do they know how many erections she could help? You wouldn't need those damn male impotence pills when Jenna's walking around in slow motion with a fire hose. The only exception is me since I actually admire her for her mind. Jenna just doesn't sexually excite me. Joanna Angel does and, no, she's not safe for midwesterners.

And so I leaveth you here. Daring to spit some fire at me on my views on the Chicks or Jenna? I aim to know what you think. Enjoy pain in the bedroom? Tell me I'm not alone and that you, too, saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Wasn't it pretty funny? Who knew Robert Downey Jr. could do so well with a gay Val Kilmer. Can I get a spanky? Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07