-Snoop Dogg (on what he tells his little boys about women)

What a day! We've had a case of bad broadcasting from CNN and a good chase to catch some squirrels. Man, those little shits are tough and fast.

I love it when my friends seek me out in the gym. Lauren had seen me while she was in the Spin class and waved. Once it was over, I noticed her looking all over the place for me. Just doing my sit-ups to cool down after being so stinky and out pops Lauren. It's nice to know someone really wants to talk to me rather than having to chase someone down.

But seriously, I stunk. I don't know what happened but I hate it when I can smell myself after a session spent lifting heavy amounts of weight. Sure, it's nice when a local kid tells me that my bicep curl with 150 pounds is amazing. It's just that when you offend yourself with the amount of sweat pouring down your head, is it all worth it? Will I offend my lil' lesbian friend that spends time kicking the shit out of a heavy bag?

Of course, you've probably heard about Michael Richards's little fiasco. In case you don't know who he is, just go back to the days of Seinfield and his wacky next-door neighbor, Kramer. That's him.

Well, Michael went on a rampage at the Laugh Factory when a black heckler disrupted his bit. Something along the lines of "If this were 50 years ago, you'd be upside down with a pitchfork in your ass" and plenty more with the use of the dreaded 'N-word.' It's almost shocking to me because Michael played Kramer and that's pretty much all I can see in him.

CNN devoted somewhere between 30-minutes to an hour on Michael's fallout. What the fuck!?! When has a comedian's complete fuck-up become something the newscenter needs to inform us all about. Are all white people now starting riots and waving their private parts at Mexicans? Sure, it's disgusting as to what Michael said but the world doesn't revolve around a second rate comedian.

What really irritated me was the black journalists that kept insisting more needs to be done about Michael Richards. Please. The man was ordered never to return to The Laugh Factory as well as his picture being taken off of the place's website. What more do you want? Poor Paul Rodriguez had to stand there and try to get everyone to understand that that is all they could do. That was some of the worst journalism I've ever seen.

I'd love to ask these black journalists that were 'outraged' as to when they will hold rappers and black comedians accountable for their actions. Now, there are some out there that think being black makes it all right for that person to use the 'N-word' but not me. Just watch Def Comedy Jam on HBO. It's n-this and n-that all to much laughter that I don't see anything funny about. Most black comedy is dumb when only the n-word is needed to make people laugh.

You wanna know what offends me? We've got these people that think we need to be outraged by Michael Richards's dealing with a heckler. Well, I get pissed off when TV shows consistently show men as being the stupid sex. I hate how rappers degrade women and homosexuals by constantly calling weak men as 'faggots' or women as nothing but 'bitches.' I can take a little ribbing on goofiness but Snoop's way of telling his little boys about women is completely stupid.

I'm sure we're going to have large debates over the use of the N-word now. Everyone out there in the world of celebrity will have something to say. Fine but I will not consider anything out of most rappers' mouths (especially 50 Cent) when pretty much everything they say is ignorant. Nor will I care what Paris Hilton thinks while her friend, Nicole, salivates over a lost potato chip on the ground.

You know what? I've never been called a 'cracker' or anything that's been deemed a degrading term for a white boy. Could it be the fact that I'm usually decked out in Air Jordans and loose jeans? Black comedians use that term here and there along with a whole bunch of other terms for us whites. Why don't they get any shit for it?

It's amazing how Bill Maher just recently brought up how bad media journalism is, especially that memo from Fox News that told reporters to find people that enjoy Americans being in Iraq. Why CNN devoted so much time to Michael Richards I'll never know. 5 minutes? Fine. There are racist words being said all over the world. The worst is that it's almost like we've forgiven Mel Gibson all because he said he had too much to drink. I've been drunk off my ass in the past and have yet to say a bad thing about Jews while calling the female cop 'Sugar Tits.'

Editor: "Call Hedgehoggy 'Sugar Tits' and it just turns him on like you've never seen him before. That's a good form to talk dirty to him."

So, there you have it. I'm supposed to be outraged but I'm not. Black leaders should save their speeches for how so many black youth are becoming ignorant morons thinking life is all about bling-bling and fucking anything with a big butt. I'll just be here doing cartwheels and hoping that woman with a fear of pickles is much better now. Pickles can be tricky and scary when placing them in tuna fish salad. It's even worse when your food order comes with one that has a toothpick in it. Pickles come out armed and ready for a showdown! Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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