*Bop!*

Buffy got beat up by the weasel."

-Me

Everyday can be an interesting day when you have a little 5-pound dog that thinks she can beat up anything. German Shepard? Buffy will taunt it with all her might. Pit bulls? There will come a time where she will come home with only 3 legs. That's the breed I worry about.

Oh, yeah. My mother has started telling me that since Buffy is pretty much MY dog, I will have to start disciplining the little demon. Gonna be a lot of spankings and finger waving while a hairy thing with big dark eyes looks confused.

As for me, I have done something I never thought I'd do. A while back, I tried and tried to do this by adding more weight to my lifting or eating more. It's not til I felt several odd things have been going on that I had to look. While Buffy was outside doin' her 'business,' I hopped on the scale just for fun.

197 pounds.

I haven't been at the 200 range since somewhere around high school. Holy shit! What got me wondering was that BB Nick (1 of 3 main bodybuilders in my gym) has been checking me out while I lift, several people have been looking at my chest/arms while I talk to them, and I get a lot of looks from girls while they run on the treadmills nearby.

Let's not forget the horny Mexican that I am forced to work with. Remember him? I called him 'Dirty Sanchez' for a reason because he always walks by me while flicking his tongue and asking me if I eat pussy. Please. You all know the answer to that. It's just that I have to constantly be cornered by this little guy insisting he feel my chest muscles. Seriously, I remember last year where I was working on something and he just couldn't help himself.

Editor: "It's Brokeback........Sanchez when he puts down his mop and insists on copping a feel from da humble white boy with the beautiful scrotum."

I guess I could tell you that life hasn't been lived until you've been felt up by a Mexican. The best part is when he passes by my co-workers and they all have looks on their faces that spell: "Is he retarded or something?" I just say, "Nope, that's Dirty Sanchez and he just so happens to find me sexy."

Of course, this is the season to find ourselves surrounded by the sight of mothers putting up an excessive amount of things related to Thanksgiving. Not a problem with me since this and Christmas are my favorite holidays. My only problem is that I wish I had a bigger family. For us, Mom had a miscarriage, my aunt died in a car accident thanks to a deer, Dad hates his dad for beatings and leaving, and I always wish I had a sister so I could understand women more. The end.

We used to have large get-togethers at this house. Of course, that meant I'd be at the dreaded kiddie-table. Fart sounds? Probably me along with lots of giggling and wondering how much in mashed potatoes I could put in my mouth. I've come a long way.

It seems like everyone has a racist uncle or misogynist brother but not us. My whole feeling is that it would be great to have large debates over tricky subjects (marriage would be saved for when the women leave the table) instead of the ones here. The Internet can be boring. Trust me on that one. So, a visit from Michael 'Kramer' Richards would be lots of fun. Am I the only one that is willing to get to the bottom on whether he is a racist or not? I just think he had a lot of anger towards black people since it seems to be stirring within a lot of the white population lately.

Congragulate me. I've probably seen Mr. And Mrs. Smith over 40 times by now. Click on HBO and voila! Jane and John are shootin' bad spys when not arguing. Too bad I wasn't smart enough to not watch The Break-Up.

As always, the women's movies make men look like fools while just about everything women do is okay. Ex brings home strippers while she may or may not have brought home a guy to fuck. The back of the DVD states that, according to critics, The Break-Up is an unpredictable comedy. I didn't laugh much nor did I find anything surprising other than the ending. Now, that got me good.

Note to any guy reading this entry: You do get to see a little bit of Jennifer Aniston's ass. Wow! She has one of the nicest keisters ever designed thanks to that all protein diet thingee. Ladies, just mention that there is a scene with a nice ass and maybe, just maybe he'll watch with you.

Not that I've gone all girly on ya. A movie only 1 other person I know enjoyed, The Punisher, came out in an unrated version. Yo' damn right I'm gonna pay a little over $10 to see more of Tom Jane kick baddies' asses all while correctly pulling back a combine bow. That scene was perfect and made me forget all about John Travolta's horrible acting.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07