-Christina Aguilera

I must say that the loss of snow from the weekend's snowstorm is nice. Grass and all its amazing green glory finally remind you that the extreme cold is only temporary. Now, if someone could do something about the biting wind that keeps making itself known as soon as I walk out the door.........

December 5th is a time many men will sit around the TV to watch the most manly of singers ever, Justin Timberlake. Okay, so I'm kidding in that not one of them will remember that he's singing because of the amazing visuals that present themselves on a runway.

Victoria's Secret. A while back, this was a company that was barely known until it started using models for runway shows. Sure, the catologue was well-known due to the hottest of hot models (my faves were Laeticia Costa and Stephanie Seymour) but just not as crazy as it is today. These days, it's normal to walk by V.S. and see various men holding up panties for inspection.

To which I dare say, "I don't think those will fit you. Lane Bryant is a better bet so scoot on down there, sir."

While I may not be Victoria's Secret's biggest fan, I do find them amazing in how they market underwear. Think about it. This is the kind of product that keeps pussies, ass, and boobies covered. They may not just say that, "We cover pussy, ass..." but sure as hell do some of the sexiest advertising around. It's almost like nipples are non-existent when you look at their catalogues. Nor are there any camel toes or wedgies.

Good grooming: Not having to see stray pussy hairs here and there......and there. They just aren't sexy when stranded away from the bunch.

On a wonderful side note: I get zits on my butt, on occasion.

Yeah, that's what I'd love to see, a sexy woman rising up from her bed with her bikini type panties all wedged up her ass. That's completely normal and not what we see in ads where they're still providing full coverage. Wedgies on slender women are hot. Wedgies on the female variety that tend to eat a lot of Hershey bars are not.

Since I'm an equal opportunity snark, boys do have problems that I notice in the locker room. Anal-retentive guys tend to favor Y-fronts or "tighty-whities." Goofy and amusing types go for boxers that tend to be humorous. Nerds go for whatever their mothers buy them in regards to all clothes. Me? I'm total boxer-briefs because I just cannot fathom how guys can walk around with things jiggling.

When I take in the habit of stretching my arms up, Sara points out the obvious bulge so take it from her.

I would never have thought that there would be a fashion show with underwear being the sole reason. But, then again, Victoria's Secret has become a brand to reckon with since even white trash find themselves sexy in their thongs. You know the type. They sit on a park bench with their massive thongs showing so obviously you'd think there is a batch of hot wings down there after another one of those gotta-go-get-some-fast-food runs.

Of course, being male (I swear that I am!), I do enjoy the sight of women in panties. My preference is the very skinny bikini type that slightly covers the ass. The cut around the crotch should cover the pink parts perfectly because I don't want to see things too soon. Trust me. When J lay there with her legs up in the air prior to my taking her thong off, it looked like a mouth was being gagged.

I'm not into thongs. It takes a very rare type of girl to pull off wearing these things, one with an actual toned but well-placed ass. Flat butts just look awful with floss. I know, I know. Thongs help hide panty-lines or make a woman feel sexy. It's just that reality is made apparent when a white girl with nothing for an ass starts dancing as if she has one that we've got problems.

My philosophy: Some days you get wet spots, others you get skid marks.

I'll admit that Victoria's Secret's having Justin Timberlake sing during the December show is a nice idea. I've never had a problem with him and see this guy's "Sexyback" as perfect for when Gisele struts down that runway in nothing but her knickers. Then again, what do I know. I admitted in that last entry that I used to sniff Strawberry Shortcake's strawberry smelling panties.

Editor: "To the horrors of those little female friends everywhere! You must have been an interesting 8-year-old."

5-Pound Phooey has been pretty miserable. With my getting up at around 2pm or 3pm and running my errands during this cold weather, I haven't had much time for walks. Hell, even I could use the exercise and fresh air.

So, life's amazing journey for those with testicles will come to an end on Super Bowl Sunday but the highlight of men holding up women's panties will always be there. The trick to getting them off her is by placing your thumbs underneath the side rims and slowly have them make their way south. Some say they can get panties off with their teeth. Doubtful on my end since Sara laughs at how I have such a hard time getting her bras off. I used to be so good, dammit! Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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