-Andy Warhol

Hello, Cleveland! Are you ready to rock? I said.......ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Well, look elsewhere because I'm going to give a major shout-out to the following things that have kept me sane (or insane?) while the cold forces me to become a shut-in.

1). Trashy mags. Oh, lordy where do we begin with this shit? 'Us Weekly' makes a great bathroom read. Sorry, for all of you, that means I lay in a majorly hot bathtub with this. Not once have I ever accidently dropped an issue into the water. Ah needs to soak up my sweet-as-pie ass while reading 'Us Weekly's' need to ask who is going to save Britney Spears. I never thought I'd find myself hoping for her to start wearing underwear but that vag is not a good looking one belonging to the usual conch variety.

2). Satellite TV. Turn it on. Movies! Movies! Gawd, it's like you can't look away when there is something good playing on one of 30 movie channels. Road House? Fuck, yeah! Alien? Damn straight! Mr. And Mrs. Smith? I know every line in that movie. No, I don't watch TV much but between 7pm and 9:30pm is a possibility you'll find me mentally preparing for work as Angelina Jolie hunts down Brad in their house.

3). Internet. Why not find people just as miserable as you? I'm still heavily into that new blogger I discovered because there is so much to catch up on her diary. There is something fascinating when someone so obsessed with attention wants you to see topless photos of her, dancing in only a knit cap, pulling down bikini bottoms to show what not shaving her bush looks like, peeing, and bathing. It's not really a surprise that a girl can be this honest (especially when her boyfriend dumped her and didn't tell her this while also kicking her out of the band for 2 weeks) since she's an artist that loves to paint. I know because Sara tends to have this weird moment where a strip club makes her want to show her tits, too.

Yeah, I know it's odd to put yourself up for the world to judge but I like that kind of spunk in a girl. Not everything is black and white so the humor in things going wrong is a good thing. I've made an ass of myself many, many times but still I walk the sidewalk.

I've read with high amusement that this blogger got into a debate with a guy over which is worse: stinky penis or smelly pussy? Am I the only one that sees this as a question those of us not dumb enough to follow Bush need to know?

Let's be honest. I've smelled a lot of vaginas. They do have a lovely scent that is very hard to describe. The closest is 'marine,' slightly like that lobster tank we see in the grocery store where those poor things cowar in fear when rich people walk by.

"No, don't pick me! Get Hank or Petunia!"

The way I enjoy the smell coming from a girl's vagina, it's best light. When it's a bit on the bad side, that's when there is just too much. According to my ex, Kristan, it's that self-cleaning caused by bacteria. Now, combine that with sweat and the usual 'other odors' (I think you know what I'm talkin' about). Voila, stinky time! A virgin first confronted with a smelly pussy will forever put off eating quim for years.

Have I ever come across a smelly box? Oh, yeah but it's most often caused by a girl that gets extremely drunk and forgets how to wipe after peeing. I swear that smell (yes, I still remember it due to the horror) that's just as bad as ammonia's reeking terror in the air was all too real. Not only is college sex overrated due to dorm beds being too small but drunk girls tend to piss themselves.

Smelly balls? Don't know what they smell like because I'm 100% not gay. Seriously, I am the sweetest non-gay guy you'll ever know that is proud to eat pussy til the day I die. You'll have to ask Borat since I heard he took a guy's balls in his mouth while filming that movie. There is just no way smelly balls could be worse than a woman with a giant pee stain in her panties for hours while sweating on the dance floor.

FYI: Sara did tell me I had a smelly cock once but that was in the heat of summer so I have an excuse. She washed it for me in the shower so all was good. We like!

Isn't it kind of weird how no one can describe the smell of pussy? All of my closest female friends (Yes, we talk about this along with blowjobs, etc.) cannot figure it out. It's like some kind of impossibility only the most intellectually insane would bother taking up. Just about every pussy smells the same but each girl adds a slight difference that will forever make her unique.

Oh, last night's work? Let's just say that little white women wouldn't want to be where I was since.......(whispers)..I work with thugs. According to all pathetic whiteys, anytime a large group of black males are around, they're nothing but T-H-U-G-S or gang members. This causes me to laugh because I actually had a good time talking to some of my new co-workers. The best part is that the store director wouldn't allow just 1 manager to stay in the store with us but 2. Just in case there was a beatdown, ya know?

Fact: There is something funny about seeing a tough black guy carrying a box of diapers.

So, how you doin'? I miss a lot of things. Life was once good when I got to spend time with Sara, read emails from Sammy, and hear how much Hiss would like to spank me. All I've been feeling is a bit blue and too cold to figure things out. I might have a day off tomorrow but you have to remember that it takes 2 days in a row to actually feel relaxing effects.

I really miss being naked with Sara. There's just something about showing your body to a lover and I completely get into that. How many get turned on just being felt up while wearing clothes or that warmth as your zipper starts to get pulled down by someone other than yourself? There must be something interesting to women when suddenly seeing a large penis springing to life while I'm too busy enjoying the warmth provided by a pussy stain. I love how every girl wets differently.

I'm outta here. Hopefully, I've helped sum up one of life's greatest questions. My advice for you if you're not sure prior to going out on a date is to just clean that sucka'. You never know if you'll find yourself on the hood of a car in complete exctasy while getting eaten out. Those of you with boyfriends/husbands need to tell them to give your pussies a kiss tonight. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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