-Matt Groening

I sit here, somewhat giddy, somewhat tired to all hell. Today is my last day so that would explain the giddiness while the tiredness is a result of being awake since work ended at 6:13am this morning. It's not easy being me.

Let's get into something that I keep wondering about. Would I look good with a diamond in my right ear? I'm not one for such things but there is something about a real spark from a little rock. While I'm not a flashy person (several of my friends would differ, however), parts of me have debated about having an ear pierced. No pirate earrings or complete loops. Just a diamond, for some odd reason.

Then again, I hate the impact of diamonds. Many, no matter what you read or hear, are a result of greed from companies like Debeers. Just the idea of kids having their arms cut off due to gangs taking over mining areas or worse puts me at odds over prettying up my right ear.

Meanwhile, in animal news, penguins are disappearing. Yes, a certain breed of penguin is slowly on its way to being gone forever. Wish I could remember this type of breed but at least it's not those cute emperors.

Plus, a giant squid was caught on tape for the first time. Japanese scientists followed large whales in hopes of capturing one caught a small version of these elusive creatures. It's been said that sailors' horrors of a 'Krakken' came from giant squids. Unfortunately, the squid died in the struggle to catch it after putting up quite a fight.

As you can see, I'm into a lot of things......

As for work, it's been a struggle to get through those 8.5 hours or so. The first 2 go by quite fast while the middle 4 are just awful. Stinky smells really, really bad so I don't know how the people around him more than me deal with it. Someone smelled like ass yesterday. Would you believe that is far easier to deal with than Stinky? That's just to give you an idea as to what I have to work with and how strong my nose is.

Lovin' the ability to sit back and watch bloggers fight over the 'Net. One girl gets picked on for winning Best Blog and all hell breaks loose. 3 gigantic heifers decided to take it upon themselves to say nasty shit about my favorite blogger. Just the pictures alone are priceless. If you are in the mass index of over 215 pounds, female, and obsessed with Wal-Mart, there is a reason you didn't win Best Blog.

Plus, don't take a picture of yourself that shows the camera in need of a wider screen to get all of you.

Another blogger brings up a good point. Ever been to Ebanned.com? It's fascinating because this site contains all the stuff Ebay will not allow a person to sell, namely a fetishist's dream.

I've played around in looking at Ebanned has to offer. I may have needed a password to get even further but there's no need. It's not something I'd use but amuse my curiousity, namely in the sexual nature of us. If I was taught by a little old lady that talked about pussy and dicks, you'd better believe that that Human Sexuality class can have amazing effects on me.

On Ebanned, you'll find used panties, used dildoes, worn bras, dirty socks, and whatever else perverted minds would like to own. I'm sure there was something in the minds of ladies owning. Jockstraps? You know that a man's balls contain pheromones just as the smell of a woman's cunt does? Tis true.

I'm not offended by anything. If I were a woman and someone offered me $100 for my panties, I'd ask him what stain interests him. Pussy? Ass? Period? Everyone has a fetish, a hot nasty one that is normally not allowed out for fear of embarassment. You know mine. Ponytails, nose piercings, and that warm feeling I get when I feel up a girl that has a very obvious pussy stain from getting excited.

Don't go getting all grossed out. Pish tosh! All of us are perverted in some way. When was the last time you masturbated in a pair of panties, placed them in your boyfriend's suitcase/backpack/pocket for him to find a pleasant surprise upon arrival at work? I know a few guys that talked of the sweetness they provided on preparation upon another horrible day at work.

You know what? Keira Knightley's character in Domino talked about how there are moments a girl has to be naughty. For her, it was a lapdance to get information out of a bad guy. Why not your bra or knickers in his pocket? Visting him at work in nothing but a large coat and opening it up when in his office alone? Score! I've had a few ex-girlfriends surprise me by placing their panties in my pocket without me knowing.

Note: I don't keep a woman's knickers. It's my personal belief that it makes me feel like they are trophies. Since I only enjoy the sentimentalness, the panties will be back on her soon enough.

What peope forget about is that there are plenty of handicapped or desperate people that will never experience anything with the opposite sex. You say that humor is the best way to get a girl? I say bullshit! I live in the real world and those in the 250 pound variety are very likely dateless or lusting for any kind of sexualness. Yes, Hedgehoggy is a defender of the handicapped because all should experience some form of sex.

That's one of the many reasons I'm for legalizing prostitution. Besides the great possibility of ridding the world of pimps, sexuality is a person's way of showing what he/she wants. Those that are never going to experience what they are most curious about should end those questions:

1). What's it like to feel up a girl?

2). Boobs. Do they really feel like bags of sand?

3). What does pussy smell like? How big is her wet spot?

4). What does a penis's skin taste like? Does semen really taste like pancake batter?

There's all sorts of questions for people that will most likely never experience sex. Ebanned just might end a few of them so that these people will not go around stealing women's underwear out of the public laundromat. Girls have a right to be protective of their undies.

Who knows. There's lot of stuff that I don't get but I'm not one to judge. Some people enjoy water sports or watching the opposite sex pee. We all have to go sometime. Sucking on feet? Women's small feet are cute but not something I feel the need to stare at. There are even masks that you connect to a person's ass so you can better smell their farts. No lie.

It's funny how fetishes are so easy to take care of. For example, all Bald-O really wants to do is stick his finger up a girl's butt to end this curiousity of what it's like. Not only is my best friend missing sex like a mad man but many southern girls aren't into that type of thing. Wrong hole. Wrong for a guy that drinks too much.

Remember. I didn't realize how great getting a smack on the ass was til Sara did it to me just out of the blue. This event even made me hard instantly.

So, there you have it. Be kinky and be free. Tell your boyfriend/husband to watch you masturbate if he comes home completely exhausted after work but remember that other people need to also be free to experience naughtiness. Handicapped people and lonely guys may spend their evening bidding on used panties. Let them be. Yo, it's my last day of work and what do I want? Sleep. Just uninterupted sleep but preferrably next to Sara. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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