-Archilochus

I don't know what your idea of a good dinnertable conversation is but we sure have ours. Assholes. Actually, it's assholes and balls. There are plenty of people that would get up and leave but not my mom and I as we discuss what few are able to when dealing with a dinner consisting of cheese.

Why assholes and balls? Simple. For some strange reason, 3 out of the 5 Yorkshire Terriers in this house have gone into some type of zone where they fart a lot more than usual. Ever heard a dog fart? Jethro's is best described as a whistle-like thing. There is no toot but a small shreak out the backdoor.

My dog, 5-Pound Phooey, on the other hand, knows how to let 'em rip. I know this because she spends 70% of her time in my room on the bed barking at movement out the window. While the noise from her tiny little mouth tends to silence the farts, the smell gets to me eventually. 5-Pound Phooey, Bonnie, and Clyde have the worst smelling gas of any dog we've ever had. Figures since they're from the same litter.

As for assholes, it's more along my mom and I talking about fire coming out of there with each doggie fart. You'll hear a 'fire in the hole' as someone has made it known that a dog has farted upon entering the room. What's strange is that the fat one, Ellie-Mae (or "Hoss") is less prone to ass trumpets. You would think that the old adage of fat people farting more would also apply to dogs.

My mom loves to talk about balls, namely Clyde's. Yeah, he's the other Yorkie but the only one not neutered. Balls or as my mom refers to them, 'plums,' comes up when eating dinner. Pick the little shit up (be careful since he's afraid of heights) and you'll be hard-pressed to not notice these 'plums.'

Summary:

1). Jethro whistles with his asshole

2). Clyde has gigantic balls or 'plums'

3). Bonnie, Clyde, 5-Pound Phooey have nasty, nasty farts that we refer to as 'fire in the holes'

4). Ellie-Mae rarely lets one rip (she will drip water all over you after a trip to the waterbowl)

Right now, I'm in discovery of another new blog, someone completely different than us of the narcisstic variety. At first, I thought it was the typical under-30 girl that is obsessed with putting pictures of her friends for others to see. Upon closer inspection, you'll find that she has a lot more to tell and it will draw you in.

The girl is a former heroin addict. No big deal? How about that she used to be a prostitute as well to help finance this habit. This is no lie because she can go in deep as to what it's like living on the streets and what type of sexual act men insist on most while living in the UK. That shit just freaks me out because I've never read anything like this.

Anyway, this girl is very pretty, got rid of her addiction, but is extremely upset over the handling of this 'Jack the Ripper' case going on in Europe where prostitutes have been found dead. I'm not completely familiar with it yet but have heard a few things on the news. Will be learning more obviously.

I love the 'Net's way of drawing me into its web of learning things I wouldn't normally find out about in school or life unless I decided one day it would be keen to turn myself into a crack bastard, sell my cum to anyone with a mouth, or spend my quality time playing the bongoes in a tree.

Then again, it was inevitable that I'd come across a blogger that has decided to show his penis quite often. I'm not sure what his motive is but I'll admit to seeing humor in this or some rather weird curiousity over how women react. Do they wonder each day how it would look from different angles? You've got to admit that a guy that puts much effort into bending over to show his ass and balls could make a girl salivate more than Pavlov's dogs.

I dunno. A blogger that shows his dick? I'm quite used to the occasional breast displayed, even less ass shots, and rare pussy digitals presented by female bloggers. It's pretty much a neutral feeling because:

1). I have nipples. Breasts are nice but they're more along the lines of something to caress than to just stare at.

2). So, you have an asscrack? Nice, but so do I. Oh, look a pimple! I've got 1 or 2 as well.

3). Oh, my gawd! I've hit the motherload! A full-on bush shot or completely bare crotch. Me likes but I will most likely pay more attention to your apartment or house's things. Do you like Coldplay, Bauhaus, or George Clinton? Dammit, your nice looking crotch is in the way of your CD collection. Even though it's nice to see your lil' pink strawberry hanging in between your legs, I'm a complete curious George when it comes to what interests you.

Who knows what women want to see or read when it comes to a guy's blog. Would dicks excite you? Erect or soft? Circumcized or a director's uncut vision?

Speaking of sex blogs, I'm addicted to the one Sara enjoys, Violet Blue. At first read, I wasn't as into it due to being used to other things when it comes to sex blogs, namely women with legs spread open and various things inserted. All that has its place but Violet is far more than that because she informs all while playfully amuses with info. Never thought I'd see a cum shot put on a slide projector. I'll be damned if I could shoot my splooge that perfectly in repetitious glops.

Speaking of glops of splooge, Ron Jeremy is about to put a book out on his life. Even if you've never seen a porn flick, you'll know this man with a 9.75inch dick. Ron's ugly as hell and would've been an obvious candidate for the 40-year-old virgin club but he's fucked over 4,000 women. One just so happened to be 300pounds. Ron's amazing when my dick would have shriveled up and hid behind my balls upon presentation of 2-tons-a-lady.

I like Ron and liked him even more after seeing him on VH1's Surreal Life. It must be fun to have so many people ask to see your penis. 9.75inches is nothing to sneeze at but my balls would put him to shame. No one in all the time that Sara has told me (along with showing me how they overlap the palm of her hand) have I ever seen a guy with some to rival mine.

Just about all of you out there have seen more porn than I. Weird, huh? It's never been a big thing with me even though I love to learn about the fiasco of it when it comes to sexuality. However, everyone has seen Ron Jeremy in action at least once in their lifetime, all sweaty 250something pounds of hairy hedgehog pounding away. Ron made me totally envious when I saw what was presented to him.

Mr. Jeremy walks into a room with the assumption that he is to fuck a few girls. Easy and the usual but it was more likely 10. I drooled when every girl lay on her back waiting to be eaten out by Ron. Oh, I swear that my tongue drooled as his face was presented with such beautifully well-kept pussies and completely clean assholes. They were glistening and hair-free around those sensitive pink parts. It was my observation that Ron was a fine pussy eater and was justly rewarded. Having 10 women play with my dick would be loads of fun, literally since 2 birds with one stone would happen. What is it about a woman's watching me cum that just drives me wild?

But I could never be a porn star. The sex is so business-like that it would get boring. A threesome or orgy would feel more amazing if it happened because I set it up and not a studio calling every girl on the payroll.

So, I'm outta here as I anticipate another book from a porn star. Of course, that first one was Jenna Jameson's "How To Make Love......." That was impossible to put down but could I handle the viewpoint of a guy that's rather ugly but fun? Well, Ron used to be an English teacher with a side of being able to play the piano. Hopes are high. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07