To be honest, I've been feeling out of it when it comes to the friends category. I hate how people have become too busy to talk or to even hit me back on emails. This is all made even worse when the only person that seems most interested in talking to me is a woman I briefly met in an independant record store whom enjoys chats based on my knowledge of porn.

Flattery gets you everywhere.......

Yes, kids, that woman emailed me again. This time to tell me she enjoyed my wicked humor and to ask for suggestions on good porn DVDs. The little kicker is that she asked for me to ask Sara because I told her that while I'm knowledgeable on the facts it's the actual movies that leave me in the dark. Since Sara's a bit busy, I'm sending a signal out to all of you ladies open to telling me:

1). No overly fake women. The woman calls them 'ice creams.' Humongously fake tits and completely smooth pussies need not apply. Like most of my lesbian friends, she enjoys some hair down there.

2). Nothing that resembles just one long fuck. I've always wondered about that 70's porn 'Alice In Wonderland.' It's a musical and even has some esteemed status when it comes to porn. I'll agree with her that most American porn is just one long boring fuck that seems to think that adding gross stuff like that woman I saw swallow cum and then a goldfish only to throw up the fish......you so don't wanna know.

3). The last porn I saw was Belladonna Loves Jenna. Strange. As far as I could tell, it was about mad scientists fucking while an Igor-like guy gets some, too. Nice try but not recommended by me.

Open to suggestions........

I may have admitted to questioning where my friends are only to find one good one come straight up to me in the gym with a huge smile on her face. Lauren! My little asskicking muay thai girl is back. Gotta love my way of greeting people that make me misbehave.

"Where the fuck have you been!?!"

It seems that work threw Lauren off her rocker. She hasn't been in the gym for 2 weeks. Gawd, I missed her like mad because this girl is a lot of fun to talk to. Nothing needs to be held back with Lauren.

A girlfriend. Lauren has one! I know that deep inside there is a small crush on a lesbian when it comes to her but I'm quite happy. What's funny is that Lauren has to give up a couple nights in the gym in order to do the cuddle thing. I asked her if there is a small amount of rage that builds up in which she wants to kick the shit out of the heavy bag even if heated moments happen. Not surprisingly, Lauren smiled. You can take the body out of the gym but not the spirit.

Note: I've learned to tame it. It used to be that I would get aggitated on visits to Indiana because I wanted to release stress by lifting. Sara's tamed me a bit.

Life may be getting me down but it sure is fun watching Lauren kick the shit out of the heavy bag. Her moves are completely on par with the possible destruction of anyone that dares to challenge her.

Suggestions by me:

1). The new Transformers trailer is online now. Optimus looks completely off so I'm not as into this movie as I once was.

2). This new CGI Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie is amazing looking! Even the video game makes me drool.

3). Screech might be getting sued because the penis in the video just might not be his. Weird. This is fraud and is being investigated. People want the real dick when it comes to male celebrity sex tapes.

4). Watched a bit of HBO's Real Sex: 23 tonight. It may be that these black guys know what they are doing when it comes to entertaining large black women. I, on the other hand, would be scared shitless. Not only do I not have the ability to shake my rumpshaker like these black male strippers but I also have a fear of women that can kill me with one mighty throw of a large tit.

5). Did you know male strippers stroke themselves til they are hard and then put rubber bands on their dicks to stay hard? Black guys have to because those large black women I mentioned above all seem to grab the damn thing at the same time and play with it. That Real Sex episode was hilarious.

6). Keira Knightley in a bikini equals total scorching hotness that bakes firey feelings in me loins. Those recent pictures make me want to go to Hawaii even more. Those abs and striped bikini were worth not being able to walk.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

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