-Conan O' Brien

Dib id what I tound like when I am thick with a code. My head aches and I am sneezing all ober da place so bad. Waking up id hard do do.

Translation: This is what I sound like when I am sick with a cold. My head aches and I am sneezing all over the place so bad. Waking up is hard to do.

Never ever say, "Gawd, I'm so glad I didn't get sick the last 3 months of the year." Horrible! I said that to my mother last week and now look where I am. Even if my metabolism is extremely high and out of control, it still sucks to have to travel all over the fucking house with a kleenex box while coughing so much that a headache is inevitable. I've now taken my words back and will never ever say how much my luck means to me when it's gonna fuck me in the ass eventually.

Now, that I think about it....hmm..a feminine finger in my cute lil' ass (only a few pimples) sounds nice.

What is it about being a man when sick that has us behaving like completely weak fools? I'll be the first to admit that I have taken a pathetic stance wholeheartedly. All I can think about is Sara or my past times spent as a child with a thermomater under my tongue while looking at a pile of comic books. Life was so much simpler when we little boys had no need to feel so stupid. It was because we didn't know it yet.

But truly, I wish to lay in bed only I find myself worse. As much as I'd love for someone to nurse me back to health, the longing for fresh sunshine and air calls to me. Should have stayed in bed because my road trip was a trip of the unexpected side.

Sure, it's not the wisest of ideas to venture out into the public while hacking coughs become part of the conversation.

"Well, I do find that Walter Moseley's new book is a bit.......*gag* on the *cough cough*...excuse me as I release what some would say a fur ball. *Horrible cough* That book is kinky, yo! Since when does the author of 'The Invisible Man' think it a completely amazing turn-around to start talking dirty like that?"

Ah, yes, public. Well, no one talked to me but I did get chased in the parking lot by people working at Barnes. Seems I set off the sensors without knowing it (ears all clogged up) and nearly flipped out when workers chased me only I got away. After I calmed down a bit and the people gave up, I had to come down in my car. Only a few seconds later and I figured it all out. A security tag was stuck to my coat. Damn, I felt like such an ass but the run did me good.

By the way, I am fine. Apparently, someone might have thought it funny to stick a security tag on me in hopes to get revenge for all my annoying coughing. My only possible suspect was the old guy that I caught peeing on his shoes in the restroom. Bet you never heard that before.........

What happened was I was standing there in the restroom over one of the sinks because I was going through a coughing fit. Some older guy went into the stall to my right. It wasn't til I saw the puddle form on the ground around him that I figured out that the chap was pissing on his shoes. As soon as he walked out and up to the sink, I backed away. At least this guy pulled out some paper towels and cleaned his shoes off.

To answer your question, no, I have never pee'd on my shoes. I have pretty good aim as long as I'm not completely drunk. Plus, there is no way in hell I'd piss on my Air Jordans.

C'mon, girls. I asked for some recommendations in regards to porn. This was my way to not only send this woman I met in Indiana some good ideas as to what to rent but also to hear what you girls have to say about porn tastes. Yes, I know free porn is good porn but I need titles.

'Tart brought up an amusing observation on one the both of us have seen. That Belladonna Loves Jenna has to be some of the weirdest shit ever made. Not only is the whole damn thing pretty much about a mad scientist that just seems to unzip his pants to place his cock in every creepy looking girl's mouth but there is that...........that......midget on a tricycle. Somewhere out there, the makers of Saw are wondering if they are being copied.

Note: I have a fear of midgets in real life. What do you do if one wants to fight? Is it proper ettiquete get down on your knees and swing away or do you just drop kick 'em into an alley and shout "This one's for Johnny! Score!?" It's got to be nice to stand there and be faced with women's crotches 99% of your life. "Hello, Angela. Why is it everytime I see you I smell lobster?"

I've seen 'On Golden Blonde,' 'Amazing Facials #6 (or 7), 'Blue Sky Fuck-fest' (unforgettable because it has woman after woman come out and lay down on a picnic table to be eaten out by a row of guys-one kept her boots on), Belladonna Loves Jenna, Flashpoint, and a few more. I am familiar with Peter North (known for shooting out the most semen as in gallons), Ron Jeremy (friend of mine got his autograph), and that guy that likes to beat women around while fucking them.

It is quite nice having a girlfriend that enjoys porn more than I do. While I am trying to get over my need to analyze things, my lil' kinks haven't been as recognized due to our society. I am in more enjoyment over slender real girls rather than women that look like a machine created them. Yuck! I like pussy hair well trimmed but bare around the pink parts. Real breasts need that soft bounce. And most of all, the actress needs a personality. Jenna Haze comes to mind when I saw an interview with her recently.

Plus, we all know how much I am nuts over female ejaculation. It's only gotten worse ever since I saw the GIF of a woman using a toy only to withdraw it and allow a HUGE stream of something. Everyone working on the porno stopped what they were doing in complete surprise.

It's my belief that men like me are fascinated with female ejaculation because it's nice to see it from a different view. Women are used to seeing men squirt/drip out semen while their genitals are more mysterious. I mean, what goes on in there when you orgasm? What causes all those trembles? Men may or may not realize it but the female orgasm is something they'd love to experience. We've gone too long at seeing you release pussy juices so why not enjoy the laughter as a large amount of something comes out?

Ah, life. Tis a cruel world when an entry like this gets me a bit riled up. I'm tired but a part of me wants to curl up with Sara because I miss her so much. The other would worry about making her sick or just eating cookies while the ol' imagination enjoys Spiderman facing Doc Ock.

I should have been in bed but I went to the gym, had a shitty workout thanks to 3 Mexicans taking my place on workout equipment while Slutwatcher (again) tells me he wishes he could fuck my friend, Holly. It's beginning to sound like a broken record as the pretty people I know become sex objects for the simple-minded amusements.

So, I leaveth you here. Recommend something, dammit! Tell me why it's good and I'll look into it. Yeah, I know most of y'all don't enjoy seeing fuzzy balls or extremely hairy men sweating away as they pound some poor lass dressed up as a milkmaid. Am I the only one that has nasty dreams of Amish building a barn for the ending result to be an orgy? *Happy twats all around*

- - 2009-07-07

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