-The Daily Show

Tonight, I felt like I was about to participate in a gay porn. Picture this. Male after male comes into a small room. After a little nervous small talk, each disrobes. More nervousness is obvious even though the discussion turns to the most obvious, our disgusting weather, while various penises start to dangle in close proximity. This was not a situation for the faint of heart.

The problem is that our locker room is now being renovated. Last week's was the women's misfortune of having no place to change without men with too much testosterone trying to sneak a peek. It was the same damn room I've just mentioned only this time I don't think women were waiting around near the office's entrance to see wee wrinkled willies flying about.

One whole fucking week is what I must endure of all this changing very closely to each male gym-goer. It's silly to you but you've got to remember that our old locker room had a lot of space. Guess who held the door open so everyone in the gym could get a look at Richard in his boxers? Moi. And the look on his face was priceless.

If it wasn't my crazy feeling that I was being prep'd for a porno, it was Kim's laughing at my frustration with changing in a small office. My whole issue is leaving my stuff out in the open and not secure within a locker. You'd come across a large amount of backpacks and even.........yes, some guys leave their wallets. Just how much do these people trust their fellow gym-goers?

Kim also wanted to see the male locker room so she and I snuck into it. It's only protected by a few signs telling us to go get naked in the little office and stop touching each other. Well, okay so your secret fantasies of a bunch of rock hard musclee males combined with the usual overweight husbands becoming one big orgasmic mess just doesn't happen. What was fun was hearing Kim tell me how shocked she was to find that the male locker room was far bigger than the females'.

Oh, yeah, I got to go in the female locker room as well. Kim wanted me to see it and made sure it was secure. Secure, meaning no freaked out girl was within the most glorious state ever presented to us, naked and slowly making herself known while posing with a large garden hose to wash away some invisible residue. Actually, it was just Kim, Mack, and me as I compared the differences between the locker rooms.

Some men do have weird fantasies after seeing far too much porn that all women walk into a locker room with the reason to play with each other's boobies and crowd around to take turns using vibrators on each other. I still like the garden hose, though, but she should wear an Egyptian head-dress like Cleopatra's.

If it's not wrinkled weiners in close proximity, it's an old icon's wrinkled weiner. The latest book I've been reading for the past 3 days is 'Bunny Tales: Behind Closed Doors At the Playboy Mansion' by Izabella St. James. Nice book but while much of the history and actions of Hugh Hefner are not surprising, the sex is.

Now, I've done 2 or 3 entries where I discussed my admiration of Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder. Nice guy. Has a set-up kind of like me in that I like to stick with routine. Some nights would be for movies. Others for going out while card games for the afternoons. Actually, I'm not much for cards but I hate to trade in my 5pm workout for a different time.

Of course, it's no surprise that Hef's 'Girlfriends' use him. Why not? No girl in their 20's would see any form of desire for a man in his 80's. Okay, maybe not Anna Nicole Smith but you know what I'm talking about. The whole thing's a business arangement where each girl gets an allowance ($1,000 weekly) for living in the Mansion. I'm kind of surprised at how I ignored that this whole thing basically makes Hef a fucking pimp. There's more to it but I'm just not for dissing an icon.

Note: Yes, Sammy, I knew you were right but this whole book (and it is very truthful) really puts it out there as to what goes on. I've studied Hefner and read a lot of interviews so everything (so far) in this book fits.

There is something completely wrong with an 80-year-old guy that lays on the bed expecting various 20-year-old women to service him after he took Viagra 1 hour ago. One has to suck him up to hard while he has a hard time keeping it that way as various 'Girlfriends' try to get him off. I just hated reading the plain truth about an icon with a large enough ego to use blondes for publicity but doesn't put any effort into even trying to get the girls off. Thrusting a dildo and watching it enter a girl is fun! No excuses, sir. Not acceptable and boys should lick that dildo for added effect.

I still admire Hef. He may be living off his best years instead of realizing he's 80. 20-year-old girls need space to explore things rather than be forced to stay in a mansion under strict curfews and no other males around. Like me, Hef enjoys keeping track of his life with scrapbooks, watching old movies that bring memories, and tinkering. How many think that the 'Girlfriends' would rather just be completely wasted?

So, that's enough of that. I just cannot stand talking about such negative things when it comes to people I admire. Everyone's got their bad qualities. Martin Luthor King Jr. died on this date but it's well known he cheated on his wife. No one likes to talk about that but I'd like to say this to that woman that spoke at his celebration whom said, "The work is not done."

There will always be racism. Just like Bush has it in his head that the war in Iraq will end all terrorism, you cannot destroy what is naturally within the human being. Some will be bigots and there will be some people that think sexism is okay. You just cannot completely destroy racism. What I wish for is black leaders to take up the fight in a more desperate direction that might label them as 'uncle toms.' More and more black teens are so corrupted into thinking that life is about bling, ho's, and pimping. These things are best received through the only means a black male has in making money, being a basketball star or rapper. There is no other. Yes, I know there are some good black teens but the majority I see and hear about should shut the fuck up and actually study instead of howling about white teachers keeping them down. To you black leaders that complain about pizza deliveries not being made into certain black neighborhoods, I say take a good look at the police blotters in the newspapers.

Suspect: 'black male between 15-25'

Now, you tell me that there is some kind of mistake when black males are put in jail? Well, guess what? There might be a good reason he is in there so stop going around with these t-shirts with 'Free So-And-So' on them while holding rallies. I was so angry about the fact that there were people bitching about Tookie (a gang member that killed 4 people and laughed about it) being killed by capital punishment. Just because he made a few children's books doesn't mean all is forgiven. Take some responsibility and go after the real problems that are corrupting black youth.

And that is that. Just be glad I didn't go into my tirade about Snoop Dogg and his bragging about pimping. Very rarely am I so mad at an article ('Rolling Stone' in this case) that I want to burn the damn thing. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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