-Drew Carey

Who knew Texans can be such wimps! Our newscenter's reporters (as was I) showed how many truckers stopped their trucks on Texas's Interstate 10 all in fear of, get this, snow. Not hard hitting feet of snow but what looked like barely an inch. Truckers didn't know what to do so one by one they all pulled over to the side. I've driven in snow so deep that I've nearly slid off the side of the Route while coming home from college once. I'm laughing because I'm damn good at controlling a spin as well.

It's rare to find someone in my gym that actually watches TV. Pretty much all that I know avoid the damn thing and lead healthy productive lives, except for the occasional get-drunk-on-weekends type of people. So, it was a pleasant surprise to find a very short Puerto Rican girl wanting to discuss what was on my mind, E's Girls Next Door.

No, it wasn't a deep talk but just a little chat because this Puerto Rican (a lot of guys drool but she's got a boyfriend of almost 2 years so give it a rest already!) and I talked more about relationships and how each anniversary brings about more nervousness as to what to do with them. Gifts? Performances? Cards? Chocolates? All of these things can make a guy nervous, yo.

And then we got into TV talk that had us both come up with the same conclusion. Holly, Bridget, and Kendra all hate each other and the whole show is a complete act because Holly's fat ass self wants Hugh's money more so she's gonna put the work in at actually sucking on his wilted little flower of a penis. Yes, Sammy. Survey says that Kendra is retarded!

So, I finally got a chance to finish that book on life as one of Hef's 'Girlfriends.' Interesting and a definite hard to put down once you start because we all love reading about the problems of those famous people. It's even better when a so-called Mr. Romance is really not much in the bedroom department.

I love Hef. Great guy, a genius when it comes to putting 'Playboy' together (although I hate how their interviews have gone more towards lame celebs or dumbass rappers with nothing to say), and a very generous friendly host. The author of the book says it's no joke at how considerate Hef is towards all that visit.

It's just that I hate how Hef is lazy in bed because a part of me feels like he hasn't grasped women's sexuality but stuck in his prime. It could be his age but even I don't see that as being a problem. The man walks and talks like he's 30-40 easily. As I said, I admire him but not this..........

A man should never just lay on the bed and insist each woman put him inside her one by one. Poor Holly must suck Hef til he's hard. Next, whoever is in the bedroom to perform (and it does earn you a little more money.....so....) is pretty much pushed to ride the ol' wrinkled weiner. The author, Izabella, said that the sex barely lasts and many times Holly has to retake to sucking Hef hard again.

Okay, think real hard about this. That wrinkled ol' weinie has been in a few girls just picked up and is now in Holly's mouth. Get the picture?

What I think Hef has forgotten about is how much fun sex can be in the now. A great thing to do is hold the vibrators. Two hands! More than one girl! Lucky guy should be having the time of his life watching as each girl gets pleasured with a toy. All they have to do is slide back and forth while Hef holds on.

Well, with me I'd like to say that it is fascinating to watch an object go into a girl's pussy. Seriously. I remember how I saw my cock go in Kristan for the first time and I was, well, what's a good word for this? DELIGHTED! Fingers, toys, veggies, and you name it go in and they come out. They just look shinier and smell a little different.

To just lay there, man, Hef just expects women to service him and that's sad. Part of the fun with sex is doing a variety of things, namely fingering. I know girls love to watch me lick my fingers after they've been in there. Plus, it just feels so naughty to have a girl's spunk on ya.

But this is an orgy! Anytime there is more than a threesome, it equals orgy so lots of nasty stuff should go on rather than just laying there. Having all sorts of women bent over to be pleasured is something. How about 1 sits on my face while I hold the dildos for 2 as 1 rides me? Geez, the combinations are endless! Laying there? What the fuck!?! Ride one girl while another girl is assorted a 'dick-changer' since she pulls me out and puts me in another pussy. Laying there?

1 thing I learned from the author, Izabella, and that is that baby oil tends to cause yeast infections. Did not know that. Guess who still insists on covering himself in that stuff? Gawd, Hef, listen to the girls. You're 80 years old and can't fuck like you're 30 anymore so give it a rest and find someone that can actually enjoy sleeping with your prune shaped ass.

What I said above is true. It's fun to watch various things go inside a woman. I've never stopped the enjoyment of fingering because each girl likes to have it done in different ways. Some like it straight in and go into convulsions right away while others like me to curve my finger and rub slowly. While there is the usual introduction to placing my fingers down a girl's pants to inch my way in, it's more fun when she's on all 4's and I'm behind. The pink lips begin to expand and change to a darker shade of color. There's, of course, that 'splooshing' sound depending on how wet it is in there. Love it.

My whole point is that it is an amazing thing to play with pussy.

Speaking of 'pussy,' I wish I could find that Justin Timberlake t-shirt he wore to the Mansion that had a tiny cat hiding behind a bush that said:

"Who's afraid of a little pussy?"

Ah, this weather. It's at 13 degrees as of right now. Texans suddenly get fearful of a little snow while people of Miami would freeze their nipples off. If Summer were to visit our great state full of corrupt representatives, I would have to spend much time on the sidewalk helping her look for her nipples. You know how you can see your breath at this time of year? Can this also apply to our farts? I'm afraid to ask someone to look for mine.

I must be off now. Getting up early tomorrow to run an errand and get all happy-like over the fact that I will see Sara soon! I'm certainly not afraid of a little pussy. In fact, I like to rub it for good luck. The happier it gets, the more likely I get a more pleasant sleep due to the pussy being pleased. I'm slowly getting interested in doing my annual vagina entry. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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