-A.L. Frink

Normally, I don't start out an entry about a movie I just watched but I'm just not feeling completely talkative. There's nothing wrong with me but the quiet side is overtaking my usual need to tell it to the mountain.

What movie? It's a Japanese sword flick called Azumi. Basically, an old man took in some teenagers to teach assassination with swords. You know it well, folks. Lone mountain area is used for training area. Most beautiful woman with the sword will be the most deadly. Ninjas are mostly seen in the shadows while drunken Japanese assassins catch and rape lone women traveling. Anyone else remember the USA Channel's Kung Fu Theater on Sundays?

Japanese sword flicks are always amusing if not worthy of being considered as something smart. I mean, there is something to be said about 1 very beautiful girl with 2 swords taking on an army of guys being paid off by a Michael Jackson look-alike dressed completely in white. Boring this is not.

Remember that no matter how fucked you are, ending up in a shark's mouth or facing 500 armed assassins, never ever give up. You can be that rose that grows beyond that wall.

As with all Japanese fetishes, one must not forget when the male smells the girls' panties. It's in there. I'm still up in odds over whether the Michael Jackson look-alike was gay and his lover was Monkey-Face. Yes, the guy did look like a monkey.

Actually, I was in anticipation to finishing Azumi all because of a little call I received from my local bookstore. Remember Cheeky by Tinto Brass? It's now in my hands and soon to be reviewed.

The director of Cheeky, Tinto Brass, either has me disgusted or just plain fascinated with certain viewpoints he has. Like me, he loves a woman's derriere or as we Americans like to call it, ass. I may not have had the time to see Cheeky but I most certainly wanted to see 5 minutes of the interview provided by Tinto.

Mr. Brass believes all women cheat and it's good for relationships. Those wacky British chaps! The male can tell if the woman cheats all because the signs of events can be found on a woman's ass. I'm not joking. Tinto has hinted at this belief that all women cheat in his other flicks, namely my favorite, All Ladies Do It. Then again, that one had me confused because it also seemed to focus on men wanting to stick their fingers up the lead character's ass. Cheating or anal fixation?

There is an obvious ass fixation for the director. For one thing, the camera constantly lingers on butts. It's butts all day as I've seen in Cheeky's theatrical trailer. Woman bends over! Woman reveals she is not wearing panties underneath a short skirt while walking in the rain. Woman bends over counter and gets her pantiless ass fingered (by the director himself!). I'm not sure how far this guy would go in America.

Hell, I'm not sure why I'm fascinated with Tinto Brass. The guy is a disgusting lardass of a chauvinist that got his start on Caligula. Just read about the history of THAT movie and you'll understand how far things can go.

Tinto's movies are clearly not something America makes. The men are dominating assholes with only the thought of sex on their minds. Either that or sticking their fingers where the sun doesn't shine because vaginas are boring. The women would be considered fat in the States. I mean, wow, this director really loves women's bottoms, big bottoms. The one thing I truly enjoy is seeing the women laugh instead of looking bored when it comes to sexytime.

Borat: "Sexytime!"

The one question I have is this. Are all British women in ownership of hairy assholes? I've never seen so much hair around a woman's asshole in all my life until Tinto's films. I mean, it's like a mass of dark hair instead of being able to see the ol' 'brown eye.'

No, I am not afraid to admit that I find women's assholes cute to look at.

I really need to stop here. This whole entry has gone into a whole other direction. For one thing, I was not even wanting to go on this long. Watching Cheeky's theatrical trailers and listening to 5 minutes of interview with Tinto Brass has me wondering things. Why do I find a pig (Thank you, Jessie of Saved By the Bell!) of a director slightly amusing? Could it be that he really knows how to appreciate a woman's lovely bottom? Big butts cannot lie.

So, do expect a nice pleasant conversation on women's bottoms and Cheeky soon. I know this is one body part that women obsess over so much. Hopefully, you will stop with this and insist your boyfriend/husband/fiancee spank you right after you click out of Diaryland. A good bottom is a terrible thing to waste. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07