-W. E. Henley

Nothing beats having dinner with my mother. You know about our need to discuss balls (the manly kind, girls) and assholes. Well, how about the greatness of listening my mother tell me about a 300 pound black woman hopped up on cocaine? The worst thing was hearing that the woman had only a shirt on. My mother's words:

"Her legs were wide open!"

And this is why I could only eat one Hot Pocket, a good one, too. My expansive imagination of a very large black woman with her legs spread and the flies are let loose made me lose my appetite. No soup for me.

Note: This topic came about because my mother was describing the time she took my dad into the hospital thanks to that battle with pneumonia. Apparently, emergency rooms are something you have to experience because nothing comes close to the effect of being in there when a 300 pound black woman visits weekly due to a cocaine addiction.

Good news to all of you that love Smashing Pumpkins. They're getting back together. Hopefully, Billy, D'Arcy, and James will find their way from Chicago and back here since I've never forgotten their night with a little known band named Garbage. On Halloween night, I shed a few tears as Shirley took the stage and commanded the audience to bow down to her. That little woman with a need for water sports can pee on me anytime!

Nope, didn't watch VH1's I Love New York even if it is addictive. The woman, New York, can only be handled in small doses. 1 hour is just too much. Plus, no FLAVA FLAV is a bad thing. An ex-crack addict with more than 5 kids can put a spell on me yet I try to resist.

Instead, I am still highly into Rome. The Senate's still a mess while Antony (I know why ladies swoon over him and even I admire this character's naughty behaviors) tries to force his ways before his term is up. Brutus is going mad while Caeser's so-called-son, Octavian, is off gathering an army on borrowed money. Svetliana might have gotten the chance to poison Atia, Caeser's neice, to payback that time where she was almost raped after being humiliated in the streets. Love, love, love this show and I haven't even gotten to Titus Pullo, once a whoremongerer but now a happily married man married to the woman whose husband he killed in front of her.

Of course, I'll get more into Cheeky later because it goes along with a potential essay on the shit I've come across on the 'Net. Lots of naughtiness to come. Since when has this diary ever been tame? Apparently, those that I added to my buddy list have been reading lots of entries. Am I worthy of an add?

But life is far more important than my stupid thoughts on the world's sexuality. My anniversary with Sara is fast approaching for it will be 2 years on February 21st. I constantly ask myself why this woman tells me she is happy with me.

This is going to sound really stupid but it's the plain truth. Many people go crazy over massages. Thanks to getting out the kinks and soreness after a day at work, who doesn't? It's probably the fact that I get my ya-yas out by hitting the gym that leads me to this. My favorite thing in making me jump up and down for joy is getting my butt scratched.

I don't know how sensitive your heinies are, ladies, but I go nuts to have my ass scratched and smacked. It's majorly sensitive. Getting smacked makes me hard while scratching has me howling at the moon. Push me up against the wall and yank my drawers down. These cheeks love those feminine fingernails.

But 2 years? To some of you, that's nothing. To me, it's everything because someone puts up with me. I'm not overly manly-full-of-testosterone by telling everyone to back away there are some large balls about to enter the room. You'll find me quiet here and there til I get riled up over a topic. Sara has to tell me to calm down when I start discussing the problems with the war in Iraq with her dad.

To have someone look at you with those eyes, eyes that tell you are wanted is rare. 5 months was my longest relationship prior to Sara so there were times I asked whether I was stinky, had a bad attitude, or needed to macho up. In my past, it's more along the fact that girlfriends and I grew apart. One I had to say no to because it was basically me helping her cheat.

2 years goes by so fast. I still remember the first time I met Sara, little events, meeting her parents, her friends, and laugh at how her friend, Bri, was obsessed with me after meeting me. When I think I lack charm, I just try to go back to the good times and how people smile when they see me walk towards them.

Then I look at the problems I bring, the biggest being that I get hit on.....a lot. Even in front of Sara, girls give me a lot of attention. She did seem to enjoy it when the strippers kept feeling me more than everyone else but Cass's trying to wedge her way into my life bothered her. Everyone wants to spank me but only Sara gets that surprising job.

And spanks I gets! Gawd, I love it when a girl just smacks my ass hard. No wee little taps for this boy. Bring. It. On. You see my ass? Smack it hard and I get all happy. Just be sure to rub it afterwards to soothe that redness. Yeah, Sara brought pain but in a good way.

Even when I'm with Sara, I wonder why anyone wants me. My mind is all over the fucking place and could even be described by what you read in this diary. It's as truthful as it gets, folks. I'm always thinking about politics, music, fuzzy or deadly animals, sex, and why old people seem to always get in front of my car around noon. You just cannot pin me down no matter how hard you try. Could Sara calm me down someday?

The little things:

1). I think brushing teeth together is kind of sexy or a slightly amusing event.

2). Sleeping together is kind of like a sleepover but with nudity. Why anyone sleeps with clothes on is beyond us. Sara insists there be no pants of any kind.

3). People watch when you kiss your girlfriend passionately in front of Border's.

4). Walks across a city's bridge are amazing when the lights along the rails light up in the night.

5). When the cat says to get up, you must get up.

I don't know. You've probably been in a relationship longer than I. What say you? That's 2 Christmases, 2 July 4ths, and so on if your mind works like mine.

As for me, it is far too cold to set foot outside. Unfortunately, I had to thanks to needing to fill the car with gas. It's when you must tell the little dog that what she sees out the window is a mirage. No running. Toes and paws get frozen no matter how fast my little spanked butt can carry me. And thank you for putting up with me, folks. It's nice that someone out there gets me, the naughty side and the sentimental. The nuns didn't finish their job at brainwashing me. The power of sex brought me back to the flock. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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