Dwayne: "He's the guy you teach."

Frank: "Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh- he gets down to the end of his life... and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered- Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school- Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

-Little Miss Sunshine

Did you take notice of the Academy Awards nominations? I'm a little puzzled over Little Miss Sunshine's being picked for the biggest award, Best Picture. Sure, it's cute but not cute enough to warrant a movie making something out of celluloid. I laughed a few times (Sara did not like it) but that's not saying much.

Don't go fucking with me about comedies with a mix of drama's dark humor as a problem for me. If it were up to me, Dumb And Dumber would have won Best Picture way back in 1995 because I have seen that movie so many times and laughed so hard each time that I realize the power of humor right then and there.

Plus, one of my favorite lines:

Harry: "You sold a dead bird to a blind kid!?!"

I guess deep within this scrapbook lovin' doofus of a musclee guy is a boy, a boy that loves to laugh at the Three Stooges, the Little Rascals, and somehow found that recent Dukes Of Hazard movie worth a look. As Sammy said, I have my moments of weakness.

Okay, do you know what Man Laws are? I'll give you a good example in the field I am about to discuss.

Man Law #386 states that no man shall ever use the urinal next to another man no matter what. There will be space for each man to relieve himself without the worry of another man taking the time during mid-urination to check out what the other guy's packing 'downstairs.'

Well, my gym has a new Man Law or one that I have yet to hear about. It all starts with the locker room being renovated. There are new walls put up so no ladies walking by can see naked men walking to the showers when the locker room's door is opened (which is a lot). You can just feel all the girls giggling and saying, "Oh, look! There goes another weiner!"

We have no door. Let me phrase that better. There is no door to the stall. You are welcome to drop a deuce but you are putting yourself up as entertainment. For the past 3 weeks, not once have I ever come across someone's feet happily moving back and forth during pooping. Not once ever since the stall door was taken off. Prior to this disappearance, it was nearly every night that I came across that amazing aroma of a #2.

So, I guess Man Law #439 will state that no matter how bad you have to poopy when there is nothing to block a person from viewing, thou shall not poopy. Men must hold it til home or find a paper bag while carrying some extra socks. The paper bag is to be lit on some poor sap's doorstep while the socks can be turned inside out for the obvious.

By the way, have you ever walked into a public restroom only to hear the most awful sounds, a sigh, and then someone walking out of the stall while looking completely exhausted with hair that looks like some goats got their Christmas wish? I have. Old men visit bookstores a lot more than they should.

Watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning last night. Nothing spectacular with a few intense scenes. The movie felt like one long horror episode but with really gross freaks for cannibals. Now, the sad part is that just about everyone in this movie looks like someone I've seen while visiting the southerners of our fine state.

The thing I don't get is how far horror has gone down the drain. Nothing scares like it used to. Halloween was freakin' out there with so much terror. Friday the 13th's 1, 2, and 3 caused me to forget about even visting my own backyard as a kid. The only exceptional horror movies to scare me a lot or a bit are Dog Soldiers (I have a total fear/respect thing for werewolves, especially the 8-foot type) and The Descent (not bad and directed by the same guy for Dog Soldiers).

In horror movies, the killer is shown far too early or cheap scares come up too much. How many of you just appear at a window when your friends start their cars? Or just walk into someone's bathroom in a very stealth manner?

And so my dilemma........

Do I go to Indiana this weekend or see Bald-O? The weather has been extremely cold and snow is predicted for Friday. I've no fear of snow but being 2.45 hours from home freaks me out a bit during such cold windy times. My lovely shitty car (I tell Sara to hit it when she parallel parks behind me on the street) is not trustworthy in cold weather. Plus, Sara's going to an art show and I'm curious about it.

So, this is all yo' gonna get, yo. I've got Saw 3 waiting for me but there will be more to come on my need to air things out on sex blogs, the good and the bad. In no way do I hate them since I'm all for a good fun discussion on sex. It's just when people that have no idea on how to write think they should....oh, I gets a little angry tingle. Alas, that is for another tale. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07