-Weird Science

Why are all the newscenters acting as if Anna Nicole Smith's death is a tragedy? I, for one, feel it is great that this world is rid of such a foul smelling person such as she. To speak ill of the dead is nothing but a truthful thing, yo. I've nothing nice to say about Ronald Reagen so why should I hide my dancing up and down over Anna's death?

I, however, will miss Anna's little gay friend with the tacky sense of decoration, Bobby Trendy. Did you ever watch the Anna Nicole Smith Show? Only saw a few episodes but that little gay man reminded me of 'Frawnk' from Father Of the Bride.

I'm feeling playful and in need of a disection on our newest sex trend, water sports. It's all over the 'Net that peeing is the newest thing to do with your mate. Anal sex is so passe'.

We all pee. Sometimes, it's golden and others come out all clear. The most concentrated is in the morning because, oh lordy, do I have to stand there for some time upon waking up. It's the colder the weather, the worse the morning wood to relieve.

I'll admit that peeing is fun when you have a penis. Things become targets. Games can be had as to who has the longest stream, or so I've heard guys say. Quite possibly, this could be the reason I'm finding out that more and more women are admitting to enjoying the sight of watching males urinate. Semen comes out in glops, squirts, or drips but urine? Long steady stream. Golden dreams.

So, just when did the need to watch males urinate come up, ladies? Remember my main man, Bald-O? Long ago, when he had a girlfriend, she used to hold his penis while he pee'd and aimed it. Mind you, this was out in the woods, a place that all southerners call 'the second bathroom.' I found it oddly amusing because no girlfriend of mine ever made a request to make me the laziest pee'er in the world. I stand, she unzips, pulls down Calvins, and holds cock up to the sky while I release. My only worry is that she'll shake it a little too violently to the point that I'll get drops on myself.

To give you an idea how insane things are with urine, Paris Hilton has pictures of herself peeing. Yup, some of those stolen pics consist of her pissing in a nightclub's bathroom. Ray J allegedly pees on Kim Kardashian in the latest celeb sex tape. Thousands of pictures are all over the web of women squatting in public places where I've noticed that most were taken by other women. And now a huge cache of porn is consisting of men urinating in girls' mouths or of women pissing on the cameramen.

You knew it had to come to this. We've lost that inner kink when it comes to bum sex. For us Yanks, it's called 'anal sex' but I get a good giggle out of the other term. We always have to find something new so why not urine. The famous porn star, Annie Sprinkle, was notorious for starting this. According to her live performances, it's nothing new since she enjoys getting up on the stage to spread 'em for every person in the audience that wants to come up for a good long look.

I've seen just about all my girlfriends pee at some point. Nothing that gets me excited. I just stand there brushing my teeth and in comes a fantastic looking sheila to pop a squat. Pants go down, panties drop, and a quiet seating. Me? I'm brushing my teeth still or I'll be turned around to talk to her while I hear that obvious tinkling going on. I'm not drooling nor am I getting hard at the sight of a woman sitting there to relieve herself.

Note: I'm sure there are various males that suddenly drop trou and wave their hard-ons. Either that or they go off in the corner still brushing teeth and jacking off at the same time. Multi-taskers are in demand. This includes guys that use both fingers during DP.

So, just what is it about the sight of a woman relieving herself that is so fascinating to the male? The panties being at the ankles? Legs spread while an obvious stream of urine is exiting from a magical place (I have never seen a girl's pee-hole, seriously)? That moment where she wipes?

There is one thing I get a slight amusement out of. Women pee in different ways. Some sit straight up and more proper than a British diplomat. Others lean and act as if there's nothing going on. Knees are tightly together while some sit there with their legs completely spread open. The one that shocks me the most are the ladies that think it's okay to spray while at an angle not seated. My bet is that there are a lot of men that don't realize women do pee on the seat when it comes to public loos.

I'm not prudish even if I do tend to sound a bit snobby on sexual fetishes. If a girlfriend told me she loves to watch guys take long pisses, I'd insist on several beers for the night. There is nothing to whipping out my dick while she sits down to enjoy the show. So, why make a fuss?

Because the sight of a person urinating is considered shameful. Like I said before, it's not big deal to me since the whole act is simple. You can also add that a person has seen all the parts in sex play previously. Semen has made it's way out at some point. Women leak fluid during and after sex. Good grief, we act like any sight of urine leaving a person's system as the most horrible act around!

Ever seen old paintings? Actually, I should ask if you've ever seen the old kinky paintings. A lot of them consist of women pissing in pots or in the act while imaginary little creatures/men behold the sight. Trust me. Kinky stuff has been around for a long, long time so I wonder just how many kings and queens enjoyed water sports.

I've told you this story once but some have never heard it. A long time ago, I had a girlfriend that would get drunk a lot. How I dreaded it! Nights spent in the bars would find her taking pisses at a rate of 100 times per hour. How is that bad? You try going down on a drunk girl that very obviously needs a designated wiper because a gigantic pee stain in panties is not fun when it clings a bit too snug. Crotches can smell like ammonia.

Yes, pee stains. Lots and lots of pee stains. Oh, how I dread having a drunk for a girlfriend. The usual small ones are fine but not the type that make a cunt feel like it's the other Bounty paper towl. Then again, I should just be happy that she wipes, right?

I've never seen a woman's pee-hole. Weird fact, huh? I've looked and looked but I just cannot figure out where y'all are going from. With us guys, it's so easy.

Ever seen Mr. And Mrs. Smith? That movie cracked me up and is on my Top 10 Of All Time because even after 25 viewings, it's great. Well, the assassin, Mrs. Smith, figured out that the man whom attacked her was her husband all thanks to recognizing his method of pissing. All girls should know how their boys pee. Mannerisms? Leg shaking? Penis shaking? Unzipping methods? Know them all, girls, just as we know how you seat yourselves.

While I'm in the locker room, I've noticed that the older guys tend to raise the leg portion of their shorts. Younger guys go by traditional. For me, it's unzipping the cargoes but I tend to unbutton the jeans. It is so great to not have to squat but just let my cock fall out while nesting quietly on my balls.

On various blogs, girls tend to get upset over guys that squat. Yes, some sit down to pee. Apparently, it's more manly to stand so do so if your girlfriend is in the bathroom with you no matter how tired you are after a long day at work. Boys must use their urinary powers.

Wonder Twins: "Urinary powers......ACTIVATE!"

So, it's no surprise that peeing is believing. My diary is constantly hit on by those wanting pictures of 'watching my girlfriend pee' or 'pissing girls.' It's slowly becoming okay for guys to admit that the enjoy this sight so why not girls? There must be something about seeing a thick flaccid cock shooting out a long stream. Girls are all about control. Since they want to do this in a male's life, why not also with his urinary patterns?

Men: "Grrrrrrr. No bloody sheila controls where I bring out my dong!"

I need to get thee into a warm bed. Lots more bad stuff is gonna happen thanks to snow being predicted for Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. Valentine's Day is possibly ruined as I'm gonna miss Sara more. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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