-Ari from HBO's Entourage

When I'm in a funk, I tend to take out my frustrations on my closet. Even though it's quite nice and clean, there is always something that doesn't completely suit me.

More clothes have got to come out. There are 2 reasons for this. 1 is that I want to present myself to Sara with a little more style. That just doesn't exactly come out when you're wearing a brown t-shirt that shows Mario with a hammer and the caption "Hammer Time!" Trust me. There are a few other old Nintendo t-shirts that I've really got to let go soon even if I've only worn 'em once.

The other reason? Simplify. There's already too much in there and I feel bad when I read about how much poverty has gone up. Me with hundreds of t-shirts, hoodies, socks, sneakers, and close to every 'Playboy' mag since 1984. Henry David Thoreau did say it best.

"Simplify, simplify, simplify."

However, a boy can never have anough pairs of cargo shorts. You never know when your naked girlfriend will sit on your crotch only to leave a little 'personal puddle' to show how happy she is to see you. The boy should always bring lots of cargo shorts, also, too, carry girlfriend's things such as keys, wallet, and the occasional sunglasses.

Did you know the latest star trend is to stick maxi-pads in the armpits of your shirts to keep them from getting yellow 'pit stains? I can just see myself stocking up on Stayfrees each week while at Walgreens. I'll just look at the checker and say, "I'm flowin' thanks to Aunt Flo."

And so our Democratic senator, Barack Obama, made his announcement about putting his hat in the ring for the 2008 presidency. While the crowd interviewed showed a hella lot of enthusiasm and I admire people for doing so, I'm cautious. As much as I enjoy Barack's charisma, I'll need a little more info on how his plans for the most important things, Iraq and stopping the world takeover by corporations. I'm just not that big on those pesky Mexicans sneaking into America for now.

But I like Barack. Good sounding guy in speeches. There's no feeling of sneakiness that I get when other candidates talk. My only worry is that he'll be overwhelmed by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson trying to ride his fame. I just know those 2 will call Obama and 'uncle tom' if he has to tell them to get lost.

8 feet of snow in Redfield, New York. Wow. Makes our 5 inches feel like nothing when that amount of snow has been shown to causes roofs to cave in on houses. Come to think of it, we could make a maze like in the movie, The Shining, and chase little kids while shouting "Red rum! Red rum!"

But being a little kid at this time was perfect. When school was canceled (rare when you go to private Catholic school, folks), we'd take off for the local Kmart's parking lot. The snow trucks would dump giant mounds of snow that made it look like large d-cup tits just suddenly appeared. Like any man presented with such an imaginary opportunity, I had to climb 'em. You haven't played King Of the Mountain when you're not even 5-feet and pushed off snow piled well past 10 feet.

Funny how I always hated Kmart. It felt so white-trashy but along comes Wal-Mart, far worse, but somehow overtakes every damn store around. Target feels so upscale on a day you are forced to visit both. It also tends to smell nicer because B.O. and shoppers' ass-stains tend to linger in the air, something Wal-Mart relishes with more pride than they care to admit.

A story you'll hear myself mumble about every once in a while is this. At the daycare I went to, one of my snow boots was taken. Never got it back. All I was left with was 2 of the same boots but both were for the left. I wore boots all throughout a few years that may have fit me but were for the same goddamn foot. Never did find that moron that attended my daycare whom now had 2 same of the same boots for the right.

While working on my closet, ATL was on. Watched a bit of Match Point (Scarlet Johanson) as well but ATL held my interest a bit more. I'm not one to enjoy steretypical urban drama bullshit like Boyz In the Hood but this was a little different due to a rememberence of how I could have gotten caught up in dealing. I mean, how would you feel if your friend flashes wads of hundreds at you as if it was nothing?

Plus, I love watching roller skating! Weeks ago, it was Bow Wow's Roll Bounce that I found myself liking and now this. When are some white folks gonna do a movie on that 70's craze as well?

Ever been to the VaginalInstitute website? I ended up there thanks to a link from one of those forums I tend to enjoy because teenagers arguing over sneakers is quite a trip.

Well, if you care about pussy as much as I do........ahem........I meant 'vaginas,' you'll find quite a read as well as pictures. It's not just the beauty that is held in the pictures but a little game that got me going. Your being asked if the vaginas presented to you are real or fake.

Unfortunately, you have to log in in order to find out whether your guesses on fake versus real vaginas is correct. I've seen a lot of 'em in my life but a few have me scratching my head. The only way I can definitely tell is by examining from all sides because some of the lips seem too perfect from the front. Another thing is that all vaginas presented are attached to women with unbelievable bodies! The hip-flexor muscles are so toned that I stare at pussy and what running can get a girl.

But seriously, I cannot say this enough. Don't go changing your pussies, girls. Unless it's some annoyance from something too big or lack of sensation, I love what's real even more. Plus, don't go putting too much emphasis down there but also in that head of yours. Smarts are quite attractive as well so it's no wonder a nude model with glasses and a book gets me more hooked than a fake blonde that barely passed high school.

Sign of the apocalypse: Pictures from the celebration of Martin Luthor King are great. However, it's best to be able to spell or it's just a sign of how pathetically moronic America's black people have gotten when it comes to their behavior towards the school system. Waving signs that say: "I Have A Deram" shows that the malt liquor should be put down permanently.

Don't call me a racist til you've taken a good hard look at America's school system. When a 7-year-old says his life's qualification is to be a pimp, it's not the teachers to be blamed.

So, I'm outta here, yo. Got my usual frustrations as I await the snowstorms due on Monday and Tuesday. Looks like V-Day will be spent alone but tomorrow's gonna be an adventure! Mom and I are going grocery shopping. Feel the excitement, kids.

- - 2009-07-07

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