*Hedgehoggy enters the room*

Hedgehoggy: "Please, folks, be seated. I will answer all of your questions one at a time. May I also take the time to say that all of you look especially lovely this evening. That goes for you, too, that man wearing nothing but Sponge Bob underpants. I may not agree with your lack of attire but, yo, you really bring it!"

*Hedgehoggy knods at a very beautiful brown girl*

Samantha: "Yes, hi, Hedge. I'm Samantha from LuvNickNews. Would you say that this day has been a total disastor in your town? Oh, I hate animals but would just like to say that giving some incite on the Fab 5 might clarify things. Penguins rule!!!!"

*Samantha flashes devil horns sign*

Today was a day unlike any I've ever seen. According to our newscenters, the total inches of snow for our town was 11.9 inches. No joke. It snowed all day and is now blowing all over with the wind. To give you an idea on this, I went out to shovel my parents' driveway around noon. It took me a good hour just to get down to the street area. 2 hours later, my path disappeared.

I'm not afraid of snow. If anything, I kind of like it and would be called insane for driving in it. Why not? I'm very good at dealing with sliding and maneuvering through difficult areas. My 93 Dodge Spirit drives much better than my old car, a 96 Chevrolet Cavalier. It was probably my upbringing where I used to be found outside playing football in the snow all day on those rare school closings. Nuns were very strict and there'll be hell if snow could stop them.

The dogs have been interesting as far as their actions towards snow. While Jethro shows a definite detest towards it, Ellie-Mae and the rest act as if it's the best thing around. My little 5-Pound Phooey (now at a hefty 7-pounds or slightly more) runs all around in giant leaps. Many areas are well past her head but she just loves to experience new things and tell the neighbors to fuck off.

As I said, I've spent a lot of time shoveling. A lot. 3 or 4 times were spent in the driveway that only now I can say officially am I able to get out. Unfortunately, under a giant mound of snow is my car. So much time has been spent around it that I've yet to see the windows or the maroon color.

My other area of shoveling (my brother spent the whole day in front of the TV and never helped) was on the deck for the Fab 5. No maze but a racetrack going in a circle around the table. Prior to that, any potty time was spent in front of the door. Do you enjoy the sight of steaming turds right when you open a door? I thought not but they are there, like cigars left to die out."

*It's here that Hedgehoggy shows slight annoyance as Samantha pushes all reporters to the side and insists on another question*

Hedgehoggy: "Fine. If I didn't find you to be one of the most briliant and amusingly 4-eyed gals around, I'd ignore you and insist on being interviewed by the porn stars (now seen shagging). What is it this time?"

Samantha: "You are so cute! I do declare! Do you think bag-ho's can make a difference in this world? You have so got to see my Coach bag, yo."

*Hedgehoggy's face is in complete horror*

I've just finished Ron Jeremy's book and must say that I enjoyed it. If I wasn't feeding my dogs, shoveling, or watching Veronica Mars, it was spent with my nose in 'The Hardest (Working) Man In Show Business.' Nice title and a lot of fun to read because Ron will not only discuss his life but about little Hollywood stories from Marilyn Monroe to what it's like to fuck an 87-year-old. I've always wondered what happens when ho's get old.

Would you believe that I got a tad bit emotional? I'm serious in saying that I wished for that bit Ron admitted to falling for a long-time girlfriend. How can you not when one of the greatest things to do on a warm morning is to watch a girl sleep? Better yet, that this girl owns a half-blind rat?

Ron Jeremy seems like a good guy. I've never read much of anything about him being bad. You might even think I'm jealous of him but it was only for that one time I watched him perform oral sex on a large amount of women laying in chairs with their legs wide up and touching the sky. I love pussy and will love to taste it til I die but never have I ever wanted to live the life of a porn star. I'm just completely monogamous but still fun to know.

Note: Monogamous people are not boring. Trust me on this one. Some of us don't really want drama, the type others seem to thrive on as if their very lives are dependant on it.

Like Ron, I'm still goofy for those I enjoy knowing. No matter where he goes, people constantly ask to see his penis. I have a slight fear that some of my fellow Diarylanders would like to see the size of my balls. It's no joke, like Ron's 9.5 inches. They are big but you can only see them if you ask nicely and drop yo' drawers as well. The rules with Sara will always stand, though.

"You can't touch."

I don't take life as seriously as you. My girlfriend, Sara, has been known to show her breasts at a certain strip club and has no problem when strippers show a definite desire to feel me up. I have no problem with any of these things. Tits are tits. Dicks are dicks. And since I've seen a lot of vaginas, I can tell you that they're not that different from each other.

You know what's funny? I was just thinking of changing this entry around to where Miss Hiss asked about how my scrotum deals with cold weather. It's an inside joke to us, I guess.

So, I'm outta here to rest a bit. Will be expecting much soreness from shoveling. But alas, there will be more since my town is now expected to get about 4 more inches of snow. We still can't even get out of our driveway due to the roads being horrible. Snowtrucks have barely been able to deal with the main roads so the lesser get less love. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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