-Old School

After watching the latest Making Of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, I decided that enough was enough. There is just got to be some weird need to prance around in a thong, something that very obviously is not what you wear after eating some bad chili.

I've done some research here and there in regards to pictures of girls in thongs. Bent over, to the side with legs wide open, or a girl wanting to give a sneak peek of the goodies just barely concealed by this small amount of fabric, I was there staring. "It's got to be uncomfortable" "What about that moment where her asshole itches?" Those are just some of the observations.

So, without further ado, I did my best to figure out why such an uncomfortable piece of fabric has enriched many men's lives but has me up in arms. Panties are so much sexier when they just lightly hide the ass cheeks. Every now and then, wedgies happen so everyone wins. But why thongs? Panty-lines are annoying, but so what? If your whole point is to get guys' attention, so will the sight or color of them.

Not many girls can actually pull off wearing a thong. The ass has to be slightly able to do a curve from the side. If flat, it just looks ridiculous. Also, the lower portion of the buttocks need to have a slight source of meat. Sisqo's talking about 'dumps' was so off. That's if you like gigantic ghetoo booties.

Of course, I don't have lady bits. Well, I'm pretty sure they are quite sensitive so I tend to wonder why fabric wedged that far up there can actually be labeled 'comfortable.' When one of my ex-girlfriends spread her legs, it looked like another mouth was being gagged.

I'll admit that there is artistry in some ways. When the thong has excellent exact coverage of those pink parts so that any sort of bending will help keep them concealed, there could be comfort. It's just that the constant rubbing from the rear portion on the asshole makes me wonder. Many infections 'down there' are the result of thongs.

I don't know. While watching that SI show, I just got to wondering why girls wear thongs when I'm more of a high-cut binkin panty type o' guy. Not only are they cute but also more likely to let the pussy breathe. Did you know that experts on the vagina think that women should never wear panties because of this?

Blame it on the Cheese Nips sitting next to me. I'm a bit hungry after watching the NBA All Star Weekend shows tonight. Actually, I only wanted to see Michael Jordan, the man that started my obsession with sneakers. This may have ruined my life in some ways but damn are these some kickin' shoes! It all began a long time ago, folks, when Brian walked in the 7th Grade classroom wearing Air Jordan 3's.

A lot of people have been talking about Britney Spears's shaving of her head. Sure, it's completely crazy but haven't you ever been at a point in your life where everyone seems to be out of your control? What better way to feel better (even if it's just temporary) than to do something you can control?

There were a few moments in college where I had this constant bombardment of things weighing me down. One after another, a test or bad grade that was like something added to quite a pile. Add all that to frustrations over a girl, most likely my Jen, and I felt like I needed a change.

Well, I colored my hair. Oh, it was completely drastic, too. Went from an insane brunette with spiked hair to a blonde Eminem. Even my best friend didn't recognize me. It had to be done and I even enjoyed the insanity of it all because I lost all that negative thinking within my life.

Is Britney's head-shaving newsworthy? No, but I'm certainly liking it more than anything to do with Anna Nicole. Perhaps, she wanted the attention over a gold digger.

Obviously, there has been more shoveling. I'm not going into details but, yes, I was out there dealing with a dumping of 3 inches of fucking snow. The only good thing is that it felt like nothing when compared to the 13.4 previously. Due to all the large walls of snow, it's going to look like the town is melting once it hits 50something degrees.

When not wondering how thongs fit in between a woman's legs or shoveling, my nose was buried in the book, 'Broken,' by Kelley Armstrong. My kind due to werewolves, sex, and my longing to be a dominant male instead of feeling like a mixture of masculine/feminine qualities. I must be the only guy with 10% bodyfat that doesn't run away when a discussion on periods comes up.

But I really want to be a total dominant male alpha like one of the characters from 'Broken.' The heroine, Elana, is in love with one and I marvel at the ferocity in the sex scenes. While I may think the tearing of shirts and panties is nice, I'll be wanting more gentleness due to not having an unlimited bankaccount. It really would be sexy to have my button down be torn apart by Sara like it was in the movie, Against All Odds.

Yeah, I bring up my fantasies as to what it would be like to be a werewolf, something that most of the characters are in 'Broken.' That freedom to run wild in the forests and the only fear is of hunters that accidently come across you. Sex could be a lil' different in that there's the slamming of bodies against walls, something I do enjoy being surprised with.

But I keep trying to find the inner dom within me only to be fearful of hurting a girl. I'm strong, really strong. As much fun as it is to hold a girl's wrists away from her while getting her clothes off, I can accidently squeeze too hard or push too violently. I'm better off being careful. There are times Sara can't hold my hand due to how hard I accidently squeeze them.

I'm bigger than you. Yes, you. At 5'10 and close to 200 pounds, it's very easy to overpower a girl. You ever do that? I once stood behind Sara while she brushed her teeth and was in awe as to how much bigger I am. There's a certain feeling of being a male and it's only here that I feel it.

Oh, please. Many of my girlfriends from the past enjoyed the size difference when it came to bodies. There's that giant hug that makes you feel so safe. The weight from being on top during a missionary session or when she gets up out of bed only wearing my t-shirt that fits like a dress. If you've got a guy that is too similar in size, these are little things you might miss without knowing it.

Mmmmmmmm.....Cheese Nips are good.

I've taken several pictures of what this snowstorm has brought to our town. It's only a matter of time til I update that damn hidden set of pictures I have.

Outta here and hoping you have had a better day than I've experienced. The thong really is a mystery and Michael Jordan is the best basketball player to ever play a game that no longer holds much interest for me since he retired. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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