-Caddyshack (What an old man says right before being struck my lightning as he plays the best game of his life)

This feels like it'll never be over. While the snow has made itself known by occupying much of my yard and created its own personal wall along all major streets, I've been given the task to get it off the backyard's deck. The excess water could damage the bottom portion, something my dad and I put together a few summers ago.

I spent some of tonight on the deck. While 5-Pound Phooey watched, large chunks were sent over the walls. Small portions hit ended up in her hair. Tough little dog. 5-Pound Phooey even insisted on climbing the mountain of snow in the grassy area. I'm sure she was poetic looking up into the night's sky on this accomplishment of feeling much taller.

I'm addicted to MTV's Dancelife, a show based on what else? Dancers! While I cannot dance much better than a white-boy with explosive diarrhea (I'm best when drunk, seriously), it's fun to watch those that can make dance look like a complete artform.

Plus, it's a total culture shock to watch an MTV show where people actually work! I couldn't help but notice that various people were desperately trying to book things or try out. Other shows, it's just about rich blonde snobs talking about who they hate or want at their parties. No, I want dancers with small apartments and past drug problems to help me get through the night.

My fave? Staci. Wow, she is incredibly cute and very good about selling herself. While I get annoyed with girls that bring their little dogs everywhere, I'll let her slide. I don't bring 5-Pound Phooey anywhere since the little feisty shit has more attitude than a 10-year-old girl.

I'm weird. I notice more fake Chanel bags than girls do. What kind of girl brings these things with her to my gym!?! Would Sammy, mah main bag-ho, pull me aside and insist I take a look at fake bags.

You know what!?! I saw the most beautiful asshole ever! On one of my favorite websites that devotes itself to showing/sharing images of the most beautiful women (models and amateurs) put up pics sent by a gorgeous amateur that had me in awe.

Normally, I'd be like.....nice asshole, lightly pink and clean. But this one? Oh, lordy! It was so perfect that I'm horrified to admit that I'd lick it. My bad? I'm not complaining but what gives motivation to a girl to share pictures of her most private parts? There has not been one moment where I've had the temptation of getting the digital camera to do this. Sara says boys assholes are too hairy.

Referee: "Now, talk amongst yourselves. Are boys' assholes too hairy to view as something beautiful?"

The perfect asshole: Pink, tight looking with that portion that looks like it's sucking itself in, not one hair, and smells okay after a long shower. Of course, it has to belong to a beautiful girl, not some THING that looks like you need to guard the donuts from.

Life was good to me tonight. Lauren was back! Amazingly enough, the weather kept my little asskicking girl away from the gym. Maybe Lauren isn't as tough as I thought but I'm happy I've got her to confide in like the old days.

On my moments where I had to rest for a bit during the workout, I spent them in the room watching Lauren kick the shit out of a heavybag. Me being me, I forgot my camera so that is still on my list to do. Oh, well. I got to play protective friend to Lauren because she put herself up on Match.com and got a bite.

You ever do that? A friend that you really like suddenly meets someone but you want him/her to be careful? I remember when Bald-O and Sammy cautioned me about going to Canada to meet PenDragon. Now it's me wanting to make sure Lauren is completely of sane mind in meeting a girl that lives in Minneapolis. Freaky to know that a potential mate is 8 hours away and might only be able to be seen on weekends.

I'll go look at Lauren's profile later but I'd hate to see her bummed if things don't turn out. She's tiny, tough, and I'd hate to hear that the little warrior is lonely. Warriors never admit to wanting someone or do they? Push-ups can take care of that pain of looking at the sky while hoping someone will find you.

Oh, Lauren's in agreement with me that Britney's head shaving is no big deal. My jaw dropped when Lauren told me that bald chicks are hot to her, well, some of them. I forgot about that. There are moments I forget Lauren is gay as she grows her hair much longer. Weird me.

What's wrong with Daniel Radcliff getting naked? Parents are upset with the actor that portrays Harry Potter because he's naked in a play for 10 minutes. Posters for this are quite sexy, sexy, folks. Daniel's crotch is just about in view for those of you that fancy full-frontal male nudity, pretty much all of you. Unfortunately, you'll have to attend the play to see what he's packing, something my favorite gay blogger is hoping to see.

Note: We will have to talk about nudity again because I had a weird dream where all of you decided to skinny dip in my backyard pool. It was no surprise that Sara's kit was off quite fast but how would you feel about walking around naked in front of me? We can share pube trimming tips but, please, don't pee in the pool.

So, I bid you an adieu on that note. This day where the weather is, for once, pleasant enough, brings me to confusion. I just know that, although I'm happy about not needing so many layers of clothes, there will be more cold to come. Good grief, the best way to celebrate a great day of spring is running naked around my backyard's only tree! There is nothing better than breasts and large balls flying around! Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07