-A little rhyme from Kelley Armstrong's 'Haunted'

Nothing like reading a book where the author has children being drowned by voices placed in someone's head. Someone has mommy issues! It's funny to me. When male authors write about the death of children, it's more along the lines of their fears and everything that leads up to the awful event. In this, whack, swish, and a squish. Children be gone.

Guess what? Somehow, the weather warmed up and 95% of the snow has melted. Do you know what time that makes it? Awfully close to a boy running in an insane manner due to having to try and keep his cargo shorts up while a little dog leads the way at a very fast rate of speed.

Oh, man. The joy as tomorrow just might be MY first day of Spring. Not only to I have to start looking up jobs for Operation Get Mike Out Of the House but to help my little 5-Pound Phooey (Remember, she's gained some weight so we try to keep that on the downlow, yo) take some time out of her busy schedule of yapping at the window at squirrels. It's time to put those bitches in the trees where they belong.

Yes, sometimes it is tiring to come back a little sweaty but to see 5-Pound Phooey all worn out.........it's some peace and quiet for myself. Gawd, I hate kids but this little dog behaves like a 2-year-old but with much better potty training.

Note: You try and find me a kid that can shit in an asshole's lawn the way 5-Pound Phooey on command can and I'll drink your bathwater.

Ah, Rome, how I love you so! You have taken the mighty horny Antony and married him to Octavia, sister to Octavian, now ruler of Rome. Atia, very obviously in love with Antony and not jealouse of her use of whores wished to be married instead. Why? Octaviann wants to show the people of Rome that he and Antony can get along. Just what would you do out of love if your daughter told the man you love on his wedding night to do as he wished after bending over?

Hiss, you really should watch HBO's Rome.

My life today has been nothing but books, 'Baby Blues' collections and Kelley Armstrong's 'Haunted,' and push-ups. If we don't consider how a few people asked me the question I get asked at least once a week, we're golden.

"Mike, why do you take off your shoes when you do sit-ups?"

Easy. My feet are big and you know what they say about guys with big feet, yo (Big socks!). What I enjoy doing, and is very difficult, is reverse sit-ups. If I keep my shoes on, the extra weight from the shoes themselves shifts the burn to my upper abs. Reverse sit-ups are for the lower so I do my best to keep as much of the tension down there instead of in the upper. Hard to explain but I either get questions as to why I take off my shoes or people act as if I reek from my feet's lovely aroma.

Note: My feet smell much better than hanging around the corner of the gym where guys tend to wander to just to fart and then leave.

Pictures? Not up yet. Hell, I've worn myself out with reading and push-ups that I've not had the energy to even look at the photo CD just yet. The system may have been fixed but the foreign guy looked like he had no clue as to what was going on for today. Let's just say that I'm too afraid for now but hoping it's someone else's nudes (obviously, I will not take those back).

Who am I kidding? America's photo centers don't do nudes. It's wrong. No matter how much I lust over seeing naked female body parts, no one can understand my love of belly buttons and clitorises.

How many have been tempted to take someone's disposable camera just to take a picture of their ass without the person knowing?

My fantasy? Keira Knightley wearing nothing but a smile in all sorts of poses. Sara told me that if I were her bodyguard, I'd fuck it up too much just because I wouldn't stop staring at her. Therefore, we can scratch Keira's bodyguard duty off my Get Mike Out Of The House.

Oh, the whole point of my female masturbation entry was to just say that not only do women get the prettier genitals but also the amazing ability to make a show out of the act. What man doesn't stop what he is doing just to watch his girl roll around and moan?

Men are so visual it's not even funny. Our minds, as limited as they can be, cannot escape how amazing it is to watch objects go inside women. That's one of the fun things that doggie style provides, a great view of our cocks sliding in and out. Every woman that performs like a sexy she-beast from Hell should be applauded and told that the smell of her pussy all around the room is a gift of the gods. That, and we males are to help pick you gals up off the floor after you pass out with unknown objects sticking out of your ass and cunts.

Trust me. I have a nose for these things.

So, I'll work on those pics soon as all this day's excitement catches up with me. As much as I'd like to take a break from books, I'm still dying to read 'Infidel' by Miss Ali. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07