-Helen Thomas (Her motto)

Many in the smoking community went to our state's government to protest the no-smoking laws that have taken effect. Many business owners, particularly the bar and restaurant type, have been protesting by saying that their businesses are taking hits in smaller amounts of customers visiting. How many want to bet that, when the protests are done, there was a large pile of cigarette butts left behind by the protester?

I can see how the businesses wishing that smoking wasn't so outlawed as it is now. But what about the non-smoker like myself? I've always hated the large stench of cigarettes even though I enjoy a cigar once in a while (not in a restaurant setting, mind you). Eating in a pub with so many smokers around makes the food (particularly, fish) taste less......fishy. It always irks me when smokers talk about their rights but never seem to care that someone has to deal with their smell and cigarette butts thrown out the windows.

Alarming trend: Teens are text messaging while driving. If there was a better reason to disallow teens cell phones, it's certainly now. I swear kids are getting far too stupid for their own good since I feel so old in knowing that I got through my middle school/high school years without a cell phone.

Lauren, my asskicking lesbian friend, will be on her way to another state 8 hours away. She met someone on Match.com a couple months ago. Somehow, emails turned into romance or pure kink (take your pick) so off my little Lauren went in search of someone opening up her filthy perverted mind (Can you believe she's never been spanked and explored with a dildo!?!).

Ah, lesbian love.........Lauren promises pictures to show me once she gets back Monday. A possible relationship that's 8 hours away. Gonna be expensive for her but I'll enjoy tales of good muff diving and finger exploring of the kinky kind. It's always nice to have a friend to debate on which finger gets the most work in a girl's minge.

Of course, I admitted to Lauren that I was a bit worried on her going 8 hours in pursuit of a possible mate. Her response:

"Mike, look at me. I can kick ass, especially since no one expects such power from me."

Mmmmmm....yes, asskicking lesbians are fun to discuss with how tough they are. I'll admit to a small amount of curiousity as to whether Lauren can kick my ass but..........oh, bloody hell. She can. Less than 30 seconds and I'll look like a one of the porn star, Rocco Silfredi's, wenches.

It's funny. I've always thought women were extremely discrete on their use of menstrual products. Seriously. My first moment where I even heard of actual tampon usage was in high school when 1 of 2 girls went to use the restroom only to return. She yells out for her friend to toss her a tampon. I swear you could see a lot of us males cringe at the sight of this product flying in the air and into her hands. Mind you, this took place in Algebra.

No big deal. Once you start dating a girl, there'll always be a place in a boy's apartment for her to store her pads/tampons. The fear from reading the words 'Kotex' and 'Stayfree' disappears. Men running into Walgreens to get tampons becomes the norm as dodging flying menstrual products decreases.

However, I laugh at a picture that has shown up on the 'Net. Janice Dickinson, self-labeling herself as the 'first supermodel,' has a belief that we all must see her panty-liner. Lovely but isn't this woman past way past her expiration date in regards to having a period? You'd think that transparent panty-hose would be the wrong time to open up your legs when the paparazzi are present.

Note: The shorter the shorts, the more obvious a girl's got a pad wedged up her crotch that is sending it places most boys can only dream. Just visit my gym. We've got old ladies with no underwear and a razor, more thongs than you can count, camel toes up the wazoo, old geezers with their balls hanging out because of no clean underwear that day, and lots and lots of obvious panty-liners for those in the tightest of attire. You just know who's surfin' the crimson wave.

So, for me today? I've been sleepy all day. My visit in Indiana was a lot of fun but I just couldn't sleep during a few of those nights. I tend to think too much when I should be dreaming of naked female midgets washing my feet as 2 feed me macaroni and cheese. Sometimes, there is naughtiness with a pickle but that's a tale for another time.

What I really like about Indiana is how it feels like a group thing again. I've always missed Sara's friend, Bri, and how he could get a lot of people together for an insane amount of fun. No judgement. You would not be looked at as odd if you break out in showtunes or discuss how wonderful it would be if a reuseable condom was invented.

Much of Indiana's visit had various people. I met Sara's friend, Aric, went out with her friends, Eric and his girlfriend, and then topped it all off with a night in an apartment playing a game of bowling on the Nintendo Wii system. One of my biggest complaints on getting older is seeing people disappear into marriages or slowing down. Being around silly people is what life is all about.

Fuck marriage, old age, getting fat, and sitting around watching TV all day. Topless karaoke til you can sing no more while people marvel at yo' naughty bits.

Oh, and if I might say so, the Nintendo Wii system is hella fun! Just that game of bowling and having to stand up to physically bowl at the TV livens things up. Sara loved playing Super Mario Brothers to start things off. Of course, the old porn mag laying around an apartment for everyone to discover brings about a lot of discussion, too.

Note: Every girl has an opinion on a model's pubic hair trimming. It's law.

So, with all that in mind, prepare for lots of weird shit out of my loopy mind soon. I've found lots of cool new sex blogs that have me either scratching my head or amused at the kinkiness. Adjust your menstrual pads, girls. I'm gonna get messy! Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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