-Bill Maher

You wanna know what I want? What I really, really want? It's to lay on a giant bed with a 60-inch high definition TV playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the XBox360. Seriously, there is no better way to cure the blues of feeling like an old fart than by kicking the shit out of some old monster while reminiscing on how youthful you felt in an arcade.

I'm just bloody fucked, yo. If it's not being able to find my car in the mall's parking lot due to some kind of young 'un's alzheimer's, it's the soreness of knees and feet after another amazing run. Why do I do this to myself? Well, it's hard to say 'no' to a 4-legged critter that looks at you with eyes that say, "Let's go chase squirrels, you fucker!"

And off I went! I've had a long run of huffing and puffing where little dog leads me in pursuit of some critter with a long fuzzy tale. I know that somewhere within a squirrel's chittering lies a lot of dirty expletives making fun of my loss of athletic movement. So what if I tend to run not so straight but more like a fool led by a hamster from hell.

As of now, I need a medal. Not only am I somehow able to keep away from my sick fantasy of devouring a complete bag of Cheeto's but also to how I see beauty in insanity. As much as I am in pain, it's so good to feel like I accomplished something all while keeping healthy.

You see, Sara knows I love pain. My whole belief is that it reminds you that you are alive. While some will be angry over a woman's sudden desire to bite the neck, I get the giggles over it.

Okay, I like to have a good smack on my ass, be bitten, and have no problem with being rid of blood. I'm alive, dammit! It's my right to know it by getting myself into some weird shit where there are claw marks running down my back. Signs of a good time? You bet your sweaty asscrack!

I'm so bloody tired and possibly sick due to my throat being dry all day. So, I must just press my issue lightly until I can really get into it.

Sex blogs are even more rampant than I thought. Holy shit! Am I behind in the times or is the 'Net just now allowing women to feel the need to place graphic pictures of their pussies? Either way, I'm not complaining but wondering the intentions.

You know me. I absolutely love pussy. There's that smell, the wetness, the stain left behind in panties that proves lusty thoughts or when she wants to mark you by sitting barenaked on your cargo pants, slick lips, fingers can disappear in there, and that inevitable moment where she purrs right before I insert my swollen cock. What? You preferred 'manhood?'

However, I just don't understand how so many women show their pussies so graphically page after page. Ease up. I'm all for the beauty of that little strawberry nestled in between your legs but I also like to know what you think. Blame it on having a very tough mother that inspired me to enjoy women's minds as well as sex. I'm so picky that guys freak out that I never found Pamela Anderson or Jessica Simpson attractive.

I kind of hate the feeling that some women just might feel the need for attention. Showing your pussy is great but using this as your only means to get someone to talk to you? I'd want to know if you talk to your gyno while he's hard at work on your pap smears just as you are on the 'Net.

But men as well? You betcha! I'm also finding various men taking pictures of their penises in hopes that they get comments. While I may have stumbled on their diaries due to links from other sex blogs, I stay for the notes and messages. Women, when commenting on the penis presented to them are funny.

"My, you are big!"

"I liked how you are shaved!"

It always makes me wonder what would happen if said women were sitting on a couch, a man walks up to her, unzips his pants, and waves his penis in her face. What then? This whole question begs for an answer because a lot of guys enjoy feeling like sex objects.

I have seen it all. There is nothing left in a mysterious manner when it comes to the 'Net. With all that in mind, I don't know how magazines of half-naked girls can get as much attention. With the simplest click of the mouse, a teen dying to know about the mystery of the vagina can be led into the most graphically close-up pictures, where women pee from, anal sex with a baseball bat (Thank you, Belladonna for clearing up a question I once had), and that, yes, women do expel a fluid after orgasm. Damn, I wish the 'Net had been around when I was going through my teenage years because I would have stopped with the worry of getting it in the wrong hole.

Note: All men get nervous that their first time will be not knowing which hole to place things in.

But I'll get into sex blogs later on because there is just too much to get into. Most don't turn me on but I just cannot look away due to some strange desire to know a woman's sexual mind.

So, I'm outta here to cure my soreness blues by finishing up 'Go Ask Ogre' and resting for tomorrow's run where people looking out their windows start questioning this boy's sanity of being led by a small dog. What would you do? Expose yourself as I run by to get me to fall down and molest me as the squirrels shout out encouragement? Happy twats al around.

- - 2009-07-07

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