-'Bare the Naked Truth About Stripping' by Elisabeth Eaves (Zoe's belief in how she lives her life)

For those of you not in my area, pretty much all of you, it is 23 degrees outside. Just that number, Michael Jordan's Chicago Bulls number, can tell you that it is damn cold thanks to the wind. No desire to run but I just hated having to look into those little eyes, 5-Pound Phooey's, and tell her that there is no way in hell I'm going out to deal with that biting wind.

Whitney Houston: "Hell to the no!"

Look, I just wanted to say that I am not quite the pit bull I sometimes make myself out to be here on Diaryland. Yes, I spit venom but the topic of obesity and America's weight problem are very close to me. I hate seeing my dad deteriorate due to his never ending need to eat and eat and eat. It's disgusting that he allows himself to get like this. Doesn't a person care about what the people around him or her feel?

I do know that it sounds like my fitness moments are easy. Not really. There are days I don't want to be in the gym but go all because I know I'll feel so much better afterwards or my friends will cheer me up. You can really get a good thing going when you've got people that are as open to using 4-letter words and goofiness while straining to lift hundreds of pounds.

Though, I do not condone distracting a weight-lifter. A laugh or even the sight of lifting your shirt will do more harm than good.

As you can see above, I'm reading Elisabeth Eaves's 'Bare, the Naked Truth About Stripping.' It's quite good in how she gives a very detailed account to her life as a stripper and the friends she met on the way. While the usual amusing descriptions of customers' bizarre behavior come out (one stripper kept count as to how many guys jerked off on the window while she worked the booth-close to 2,000), it's the humanistic approach that I enjoy.

One stripper, Zoe, lives her life with very little belongings and a desire to not stay in one place for long. Stripping paid well enough in the winter for her to bike through Europe in the summer. On the way, Zoe met many people that taught her their way of life with some minor adventures in Amsterdam. And to think the movie, Hostel, scared me so bad that I no longer have an interest in backpacking ever again.

The thing about Zoe is how much I wish I could just drop all my materialistic possessions. Just go out in the world to explore! Instead, I'm always curious about the latest flick, magazine, or trying to keep up with my little 5-Pound Phooey. While my dog is not a 'possession,' I'd still have to take care of her as I'd be lost without her.

But wouldn't that be a trip? To train for the triatholon and live life to its fullest like Zoe? Go to Oktoberfest in Germany and sit on a grassy hill after being chased by a farmer's bull without worrying about work? I'll never forget how crazy I felt I was for going to New Mexico and Canada all by my lonesome.

It's really hard for me to be pinned down. Sara and I have discussed going to Paris since her love of art is there while my desire to explore cobblestone roads leading to interesting shops holds me. Of course, I love art but I'm more enchanted by how people from another country dress/talk/eat.

Yes, I still think about meeting Sammy, Zu, Summer, and Hiss. Isn't it great when people want to meet you, sink you down in a sofa for a long chat, and show you pictures of their lives like being a punk rocker or hanging out in a Honda Civic eating Teddy Grahams? I'm up to 3 scrapbooks and no stopping.

As for pictures, I've got 20 more soon to be put up on Photobucket. They were printed up 2 days ago because I was extremely curious as to how Lauren's came out. Not bad. There is some major heavybag action going on where that thing was rocked. The one where Lauren finally paused to smile is the best, though. You'll see and, yes, I'll tell you when the pictures are up.

If you have an amazing memory, you might remember our local turkey problem. Several of them have been seen around town doing their thing, like eating and chasing people that get too close. The front page of today's paper had a beautiful picture of a male doing his best to strut his stuff for the female not paying him any attention.

Yes, I have an interest in how animals try to work their ways into each other's hearts. Small birds bring colored rocks, males show as many feathers as possible, lions fight all other males out of the pride for 30 minutes of sex that does nothing for the gals, turtles grown to human-size thanks to radioactive material eat pizza and have all male orgies. Okay, so the last one is what I wonder about since I'd like to see mah Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get some sort of lovin'. All that violence builds up certain needs.

Well, back to the story. All the turkeys have been caught. I repeat. All turkeys were apprehended and placed in a super secret place so senior citizens can now venture out of their homes without worry of being chased by fowl. The local mayor was so happy when the male and his lovely female on his mind were caught yesterday. It took a mirror and a professional gobbler to get him.

But damn did that turkey look good showing off for the object of his affections!

So, from pictures and turkey, I bring you the latest topic to make you scratch your heads. A photographer has started his latest exhibit soon to be followed by a book, morning wood. Yes, that inevitable early rising for us males thanks to a swollen penis needing to be rid of a full bladder is worth photographing. It was just a matter of time.

I'm not sure who the pictures of morning wood is marketed to. In my experience, girls find it cute for about a month and then they get tired of you stomping off the bed to run down the hall to pee very loud. Oh, sure, you laugh at how we have to press out penises down in order to not be so obvious when roommates are around or doing so that we don't pee on the windows. Do you know how hard it is to walk with these things?

Sara's into the art show thing so I had this really weird thought of us visiting a showing of this subject of morning wood. Due to her need to let out what runs in her head when it comes to anything, I just know there will be comments worth laughing about. My only question is, "Why would a guy allow a photographer to come in right upon waking?" I've never thought of calling someone up and saying, "I've got wood. Let's put it in digital!"

Note: Sara has done just that once because she said the sunlight was so perfect on that morning. Well, at least women find morning wood amusing enough to play with it if she's had enough sleep.

So, I'm outta here as I tickle my mind over my psychology test tomorrow. Nothing to prepare myself for but give timed answers. Am I sane enough? Do I show to much interest in turkeys or water fowl? Life is just too precious to worry about these things. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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