-Suicide Girl Bee

Once a month, I weigh myself just for fun. While I tend to do it out of wondering whether I stayed the same weight as I seem to keep each year, 185 pounds, others wonder how I stay this steady. I mean, being only 20 pounds more than in high school is kind of weird. Possible but weird. My eating disorder from back then has nothing to do with weighing myself because it wasn't the amount but seeing any sort of loose skin.

Something changed. Remember when I mentioned how I was changing my workout around because time has slowly had its way with me? Extreme excessive weight can wear on joints or make you wonder why lifting with your eyeballs popped out so far has people wonder whether you're gonna pass some really bad gas or you've got a demon's curse of cold diarrhea on its way.

I'm 200 pounds. Of course, weighing at the end of the day is not exactly the best time. It's just that I've always weighed around 185-190. Weird. I'm lifting lighter while running with 5-Pound Phooey so there is cardio, small but some cardiovascular fitness.

Speaking of the runs, 5-Pound Phooey has an archnemesis, Poodle Person. The two of them are in complete hatred of each other as they have to walk across the street seperately. 5-Pound Phooey started this and Poodle Person's owners find this funny. I forgot to mention that yesterday we came across Poodle Person's secret layer. A whole lot of doggie curse words were thrown out.

Do you want to know how I feel? I've been feeling like I don't have a girlfriend. Seriously. At some point today, after all the errands I had to do, I realized that I don't know what to do. This weekend was supposed to find me at Sara's. At close to 2 weeks since I've seen her, it would be a likely need.

No, Sara was busy. Fine. It's just that sometime today I got a little heated as I realize that I feel like I'm in second place. Of course, it's not much help when her roommate wants the apartment to herself on Saturday. You'd think that after not seeing someone for almost 2 weeks that someone would understand. Especially, since this roommate doesn't do anything anyway.

Am I right to feel this way? Have I lost my balls? The other thing is that there is a girl that has been showing me a major load of attention at Barnes & Noble. Wow! I've not felt like someone worth something in a while.

This whole issue has been bothering me today. I've put in a lot of time and 79 miles to and then 79 miles from. Sara has 2 jobs and very little time for me. She's not here when I'm completely down or upset like I was during my mum's cancer scare. Hopefully, at some point I will be working soon because there is no way I am going back to my old job. Plus, I've felt like I'm in the backseat and told to shut up and accept things as they are. I'm torn.

Is this some kind of mid-relationship crisis? While I am not a clingy person, I miss being told to come visit instead of 'stay there.' It's been 2 weeks and I don't feel like I'm missed when I get that.

When I'm depressed, I tend to shop for useless shit I don't really need but settles some type of section of my brain. Showtime's Weeds had me curious ever since I found out there was a deaf character. Got the set for $24.99. Not bad for just over 200 minutes and Mary-Louise Parker. My dad and I both love her.

Besides 'Entertainment Weekly's' Summer Preview issue, the Suicide Girls have a magazine that was a must buy. Of course, a part of me has my sexual side to settle down and what better way than to read/view naked women without all that fake blonde shit from men's mags. While I'm not into labia piercings, I respect a girl's right to pierce there. I swear that my biggest fear is that she'll pee on it and you know how I am huge on eating pussy.

Well, if you've got $14.99 for a magazine, by all means go for it. The Suicide Girls are those with tattoos, piercings, and the amazing ability not to give a fuck what you think about their fetishes. Soiled underwear as a turn on? A lust for scars? Hmmm...I like scars but, then again, I do enjoy the feeling of running my fingers in a pussy stain in girlfriend's panties. Maybe I'm a Suicide Boy, just as pale but with a sick taste for too many graphic novels and not enough Kurt Vonnegut.

My friends would have a field day with me knowing my love of women that are a little too 'alternative' for their tastes. While I have dated cheerleaders, I found them to be dull. Girls that read comic books and embrace a dark side without a lust for reality shows are quite a turn on. It's funny how these types of women want me to embrace any type of fetish I have.

As for Diaryland, it's time will come to an end. I'm in love with a new blog found on Blogspot. One quote by this girl was dead-on about why I hate it here. She and I both like to hear what others have to say but go nuts when finding people spend many minutes only to just click off with nothing to add. I swear that way back when, Diaryland was a force to be reckoned with. I'm in second place and I feel like a joke.

So, I'm outta here. Normally, I'd sign off with something but I don't give a flying fuck. I don't know which I'm depressed at....... Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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