Men enjoy hearing 3 little words as well: It's so big!

There are little things I love about this world. Besides listening to confused teenagers debate whether Hitler would date an of-age Anne Frank and seeing a lovely woman's asshole blown-up to lifesize on my computer, there is this breeze of a feeling I get when I'm made to feel like a trollop. Who else gets all slap-happy when an old man stops his car, rolls down his window, and talks dirty?

Yes, yours truly made an old man's day. While walking with 5-Pound Phooey, an old guy stopped his car, rolled down his window, and told me that she was a fine looking dog. I'm not kidding. I found it kind of odd but amusing enough that it doesn't bother me. Who doesn't appreciate the beauty of an animal? But to say it like that is a fine piece of ass you're walking?

That reminds me. It's slowly getting hot out there and, yes, there has been mucho perspiration every now and then. It was inevitable but the thought of running topless is becoming more than a dream. It's time to take away some of 5-Pound Phooey's hotness and place it on me, 195 pounds o' muscle waiting to fly in all different directions.

FYI: I've done it before and, yes, male toplessness does take planning. You can't just bring out da twins on just any old day. There are, after all, old people mowing their lawns. The mere sight of a fuzzy looking human running by that just might have 'her' nips out for a cool breeze could have them fall down on the lawn. The last time I ran in just shorts and sneakers, there were people watching all the time from their windows. No joke. Hedgie had a fan-club.

I so want to feel like a trollop and have old ladies coming home from Bingo telling me that I am such a hot piece of ass that they want to lick crushed vitamins off my cock.

So, Sheryl Crow wants us all to only use 1 square of toilet paper during each trip to the restroom. *Ahem* I'm all for saving the environment but that is just not possible. Having lived with girls at various periods of time, I can tell you that this sex goes through half a roll of t.p. in a day. My male roommates from college couldn't keep up with the girls.

So, we need to come up with a way to help women find a new method of cleaning after a long pee. I suggest hair dryers. After a good wee, the lady puts her foot on the sink, plugs in the hair dryer, and aims it at her twat until she feels it's dry enough. Another tree is saved and Hedgie dances as another pussy is perfectly lickable once again.

Ah, seriousness. Yes, I do have a serious side as noted by the previous entry. Remember when I said that it would be nice for you to try and talk to a deaf person? I did today and it really made her day.

A lady from my town got a cochlear implant and the local newspaper carried the story on the front page. My photographic memory (so suberb!) remembered her because she uses the mall as a place to walk for fitness. Reading her story, I find that she was deaf all her life and the surgery for the cochlear implant has helped her hear for the very first time. Don't you find hearing or seeing things for the first time to be a fascinating experience? Try it after 60something years of not being able to do so.

So, me? I went up to her during my errand to the mall and said hi. This older lady was so happy that someone wanted to talk to her. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite as moving in that she doesn't know sign language but reads lips. The cochlear implant is so new that sounds are only now being figured out. Still, this woman was so happy that someone took the time to talk to her.

I did recommend a sign language class for her, the same one I took in college. She was surprised when I told her that deaf people teach it most of the time. It's true. What else is so easier than teaching something you've learned since birth?

My good deed of the day? Well, if you excuse my possibility in exploring the masculine event of running topless with a little dog, I'm rather nice in my mind. I seriously think I will be labeled as gay all thanks to how small 5-Pound Phooey is and how big I am. Little pink shorts it is!

I've met a lot of people on my runs with 5-Pound Phooey. We'll talk about those nasty poodles that are just asking for it thanks to her mouth because I'm talking about people I've never met in my neighborhood.

The Scottie's owner, a guy that laughs at how my dog has a total crush on this white ball of fluff, was an Air Jordan collector. Imagine that. Another white dude that sees the beauty in sneakers made popular thanks to the most amazing basketball player on Earth. While I had to deal with 5-Pound Phooey's tugging on the leash to leave and chase squirrels, I was presented with old cruddy Air Jordans from almost 15 years ago. They were nicknamed 'The Hares' since Bugs Bunny was known for wearing 'em in those old Air Jordan commercials.

It's nice to find someone that appreciates what no one else does. I get so much shit about my love of Keira Knightley (she's soooooooooo dreamy) and my obsession with Air Jordan sneakers but always shrug it off. What I always see it as is that people recognize you for some form of insanity but love you for it anyway. Life's too short to care what others think even if they're your best mates.

For all you Veronica Mars fans, the last 4 episodes air starting this Tuesday. Looks like it's back to the old days, gym, run, and snuggle up with a 4-legged terrible kisser as we try to solve another difficult case with our female private eye of lusty goodness.

So, this trollop of weirdness is outta here to wonder how a person's ashes get flown into space. I'd love to do that because it feels like being kicked out of Earth. Our shit-for-brains president makes me want to leave and find a leader that can actually show logical thought patterns instead of following Jee-zus. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07