-Near Dark (when asked how old he is)

At first, I thought that Yahoo! had a typo. Keith Richards really did snort his father's ashes!?! Wow! I never thought that Ozzy Osbourne's snorting a line of ants on the side of a pool could look so normal. Motley Crue even pee'd on the ground for Ozzy to snort up as well. But your father's ashes!?!

...Still not sure what to think about that. Falling out of a coconut tree is okay, though.

Finished up TMNT because those freakin' turtles make me giggle all sorts of strange sounds. April O' Neil is now a ninja! Casey Jones is shacking up with her!?! Raphael got a little more muscle with his 'tude? The Shredder was replaced by a very hot looking dark-haired girl that reminds me of a raven? I likes but it'll take me a while to feel like mah boys are back in town even if the last few seconds where the turtles jump over the rooftops had me feeling it.

TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): Good but not great. Very short. Once it finally got going, they end it too fast. Needed more Foot fighting and that sexy female ninja to come back. Anyone want to buy me some TMNT t-shirts from Hot Topic?

It's now C-O-L-D outside. The temp went from a high of 67 to a low of 35. Tomorrow's gonna be a high of 44 so this sudden temp change will take a little getting used to after a lot of 60's and 70's.

For those of you keeping tabs on my employment issues (all 1 of you), I have a test to take on Thursday. Don't you love psych evaluations?

As for my mother, she is fine. The abnormality is thought to be a calcium deposit but, just to be sure, a biopsy is set for the 30th. My mother can certainly just blurt things completely out of the blue like this. As for how I deal with this, I just ask, "How's the boob?" And then I do my best Incredible Hulk impression prior to a mammogram:

"Hulk smash boob now!"

Needless to say, my mother thinks I'm weird even if she brings up conversations over dinner regarding assholes. Wouldn't that be fun? Seeing Sara and my mother openly discussing assholes while I try to keep corn in my mouth.

As for today's run, I've become a bit worried over my right ankle. There is a sharp turn that my dog likes to take and it's here that I start hurting trying to keep up with her. Other than that, my dog is in fantastic shape because Yorkshire Terriers are not a running breed. 5-Pound Phooey says fuck that and insists on shitting in the mean old man's yard.

We almost got caught. Be wery wery qwiet.

Okay, Sammy brought up my lookisms issue so I want to get this out. I like all kinds of people, fat, skinny, black, white, religious, and all that. However, I have a limit as to what I can take in regards to what I come across each day. Some people just suck and others just have me in disgust. The really weird thing is that some of these people are my friends.

I don't hate fat people. What bothers me is that there are a certain section that whine and do nothing about the way they look. TV's on! Hit the couch with a giant bag of Oreos and Diet Coke. It's like the soda crosses out the calories in the cookies. Just where did they learn that?

The worst of all in regards to fat people are those that hand down their awful eating habits to their kids. I have seen an 8-year-old that couldn't be much less than 150 pounds eating a giant steak with all sorts of sides dripping in fat. My mom was just as disgusted as I began wondering if child abuse could be considered here. What, you don't care if an 8-year-old has a heart attack?

Richard, my recently divorced squirrel shooting movie loving goofball, is a good example of a good fat guy. He's trying to lose that gigantic gut that is so obvious no matter how large the t-shirt. It's hell for him but Richard keeps trying in my gym, even getting kicked out of a class today because he forgot to sign up over the phone.

Even Bald-O has finally realized he needs to change things around. It's simple as to what motivates him. Bald-O hasn't had sex in sooooooooooo long. What woman would want a binge drinking smoker with a chewing habit? Well, there is a small section of women in the south but Bald-O lives in a town where the population is just over 1,000. Plus, it's difficult when the woman shares your chewing habit by spitting on your truck when she's pissed off.

Sex appeal. It's hard to admit that, yes, we are hooked on looks. You rarely ever read about a guy that says he wants a really big woman so that he can get a good grab on her wiggling mass of loose flesh while he pounds her ass. Those people you do find enjoying this are black with an enjoyment of the ass-clapping.

I know it's mean because life's little events do amount to different strokes for different folks. But why would you allow your body to wilt away like that? It's a great thing to be active. Health is better. Attitude is kept to a minimum and people flock to this. I just have a real hard time with people that let themselves go and become such disgusting slobs all because they cannot wait to watch TV with the largest bag of Cheeto's they could find (after nearly crying that it wasn't big enough).

Is working out tough? Hardly. Do you live in or near a wooded area? Is there a beach nearby? Run! Get your dog leashed up and just take off for a good 10-30 minute walk/run. You'll notice that euphoria feeling I get after a run with 5-Pound Phooey. Hell, I've never seen a dog so happy after running around the block but that's her. No more moping around the house.

Yes, I know I love my gym. Here's why. My friends, loads of them, go there so I find myself talking and working out. We're a weird bunch, Richard, Slutwatcher, Lauren, Kim, E, and so on. Most days don't even feel like I'm working out because I laugh so much with people's antics. You'll have the guys that try to look up girls' shorts, accidental farts, someone with embarassing sweat stains, and lots of town gossip. It took me a bit of time to open myself up to people, though.

My workouts do have me realize something. I need female attention, especially on days I miss Sara. While it sometimes irritates her how so many girls talk to me, I'm just a chatty lil' fellow that laughs how some tend to stare at my biceps or chest. This, in turn, peps me up to tell me I'm doing things right because I can be extremely critical towards myself.

Oh, but I'm faithful to the core. Ah loves me some Sara! It's just that females give off something when talking to me. Just today, Slutwatcher got jealous how several college girls talked to me and only me. If you are a guy reading this, be a genuine passionate guy because girls react strongly to this. Boys are so boring because it's all about sports while the girls are more about kinky discussions on sexuality.

There is an amusement in knowing a woman, recently divorced, admitting to missing the art of giving a blowjob. Trust me. Working out makes us all horny because there are so many wet spots.

My workout:

Monday (Biceps and abs)

Tuesday (Chest, triceps, abs)

Wednesday (Shoulders and abs)

Thursday (recycle)

Friday (recycle but just a shorter version by doing what I feel-usually chest with a mix of shoulders)

Saturday (off)

Sunday (Shoulders and abs)

Everyday means running with 5-Pound Phooey for a good 15 minutes 2 times. All moments in the gym are for an hour or shortly more depending on who I run into. I get a lot of smiles from people as I walk in because they know I'm gonna be bringing 4-letter words and weird stuff. Fuck the right stuff! I bring the weird stuff!

So, put down those cigarettes, fast food, and remote. Get loose and leash the dog for a run or take faith that you can work out. Yes, there are some arrogant bodybuilders but no one's expecting a perfect body from you. We're just happy you've decided to stop whining about how fat you are and do something about it. To put it more bluntly, wouldn't you rather have someone lick your pussy than sit there alone with 15 cats and a stinky box?

Just try not to fart on the treadmill. I was so lucky that the people behind me had headphones.

So, I hope you take this entry to heart. I wish everyone would make more effort towards their health. I never thought I'd be running as much as I have been but 5-Pound Phooey has been very good for me. We treat things like an adventure rather than an actual workout. There's that cute white Scottie she has a crush on. Many people I have no clue as to wave at me. My ankle may be sore but I feel so much better after 15 minutes of running rather than lay there watching MTV's Real World.

Well, I'm outta here as I prepare myself for getting comics in the cold tomorrow. It feels so out of place for early April to bring about a heavy coat. Gotta bring out the leather again. I'll bring back the usual naughty entries tomorrow. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07