-'Thnks for the Mmrs' by FallOutBoy

Women have gossip. We men have what I'd like to call "I'd like to...." It was after Slutwatcher made sure there was no one else in the locker room that he nearly had me fall down laughing. Mind you, this is a 40something year old guy.

"I just want her to bend over so I can stick my nose in her ass."

Oh, dear. This is what happens to males that have not had any sexual intercourse for a long, long time. Their minds tend to go into actions not deemed suitable for young audiences and small rodents. In all my time, I have never heard a man tell me how badly he wants to smell a girl's asshole but there is a first time for everything.

If you wonder as to why our dear Slutwatcher is single. 2 words: Austin Powers bodyhair. You can also add his distrust of women and ideal that all women should be called 'sluts.' Slutwatcher is entertaining so we'll keep him. It'll get better when football season comes around because he's much calmer at that time.

And so I bring you the serious side of me. It almost feels like a guest commentary found in local newspapers. Except I'm not as loony as that old geezer complaining about the teenagers shaving his cat's ass with obscene lettering. Mr. Whiskers just might actually like it when the wind hits his balls just right on a moonlit stroll out to get some lovin'.

If you are in some far off land or another planet, you may not have heard about our latest school killing in Virginia Tech. To sum it up, it was an Asian 23-year-old that brought 2 handguns and killed 33 on campus. No matter how many times things like this get reported, the media always pisses me off with their so-called high morales.

Loner. Apparently, this word is supposed to scare me about people. Loners, those that shun being around people, are evil to those in the media. It's the same thing over and over, the killer wanted attention or needed it. I'm more frightened of those that have this huge need to be around people all the time but that's for a different time.

So what if people want to be alone! I've met a lot of loners and almost all tend to be good people. So, why does the media keep telling us that a school killer did so thanks to being one? Why can't it just be that the person was fucked up in the head but no one noticed thanks to being distracted.

We are creating loners. It's something you can see in my gym, people shunning everyone around them by listening to their iPods rather than actually striking up a conversation between workouts. I've come across a lot of people that have no idea how to talk face-to-face but are amazing on the 'Net. The computer is far more fun than actually doing something better for the mind since it seems like a lot of people excuse themselves to find out what Angelina Jolie thinks about Madonna's adoption thoughts.

While there is nothing wrong with being a loner, there are loads of people that are dying for attention only to be ignored. You hear it over and over when it comes to school killings, 'there were signs but we didn't think it would happen.' That's because you're more interested in your iPod and sports scores than in someone that is bullied or having a rough time in life. It could just be the sadness of turning on the news that gets to a lonely person.

I don't know. There's all these school killings that get blamed on the stupidest shit because school officials don't want to accept a part of the blame. The Columbine killings were horrible and caused by excessive bullying ignored but Marilyn Manson is blame according to the media. Did you read about that? Those bullies were so nasty towards those kids that I understood the anger. Even worse, those bullies showed no remorse.

And then there's the violence within the creative writing. Poop. How many of you read Stephen King in high school? My favorite was The Boogeyman, where a young couple had their child stolen from them by a mysterious shadow-like killer. A lot of my old creative writing was of humor mixed with dark wit topped with a little disturbing violence. I love horror movies, especially werewolves. So, if I'm evil, why do people always wave at me?

Well, we'll never hear from the Virginia Tech killer thanks to his suicide. While the media will come up with all sorts of easy opinions as to why he killed 33, I think that he was a person that completely lost it. Whether or not he had friends, isn't the issue. Nor is creative writing. Our escape from life by allowing too much to get to us and ignore those that show signs of extreme loss of self is what leads us here.

Remember when I talked about learning sign language? It kind of plays into this. When I go up to those that are deaf to talk to them, they are so much happier than most strangers I'd come across. People that are deaf have a very large limit as to who they can talk to so a small change like a new person talking about his/her day is major. Hell, they're even willing to slow down in signing enough for me to keep up. I'm rusty but I try.

So, what am I? I'm a bit of a loner but with something extra. It's no joke that I have a very silly personality. People have told me that I can make them so comfortable in seconds that it's like I've known them for years. Yes, I was popular in private Catholic school, high school, and college but I never had this huge urge to be around people all the time. Now, it's like everyone is married or moved away while I enjoy Slutwatcher's daily hoping that he can put his nose up a girl's buttocks.

I just hate the media's talk of loners after a school shooting. It's almost like they're saying, 'Avoid them!' Please, after all this excessive reporting on Anna Nicole Smith, I think it is them that need to rethink things and let us comic book readers/dorks/losers/heavy metal heads do what we do best, not become media whores.

So, I'm outta here as I hope this makes sense in some way. While it was great being popular in school (I know so many of you Diarylanders were not because it's bitched about ALL the fucking time), being a loner shows strength. As long as you have a great boyfriend/girlfriend and a person to bitch about life to, you'll be fine. Or just watch Sixteen Candles and be glad you don't end up like the 'retarded Chinaman,' Long Duk Dong. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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